1 3 ♥ 0 0 ♥ 0 4 ♥ 0 8 ♥ 0 2 ♥ Dias Lady; Wish List to Solve Laments

Hollywood is quick to recycle old ideas; That includes owners of various video game franchises. There are five different franchises that are followed enthusiastically by me. Those milk bearing kow are Dragon Age, Elder Scrolls, Fallout, Mass Effect, Pillars of Eternity, and Star Wars: Knights of these Old Republic. {2}  Yet they often make the same mistake, and that is taking away player choice. The reason is always the same, the writers bitch and wine about being restricted in their story telling.

BioWare is by far the worse offender with both Mass Effect and Dragon Age. In both, the first game in the series starts off by giving you and abundance of points of origin for your protagonist. In addition, the characters that join your quest largely reflect one of several careers, which from the player is given the option to choose.

An example of the first point in Mass Effect, in M.E.2 the player is continuing the protagonist from M.E.1. That by default gives them a starting point to make the origins more unique, but aside from an email from you Mom, the Spacer is left with nothing. The WarHero only gets to hear in there the news that a no name planet, that fails to be an option to visit, wants to keep the statue they made of him.

BioWare went even farther in Dragon Age 2. In Dragon Age: Origins, you get to choose six different points of origin and three different species. The y are largely linked, so there are only the same numbers of allowed combinations. For instance, there fail to be any Dwarvhen magic users. Yet in D.A.2 they gave us one. BioWare seemed to have listened about that and returned to giving us different careers and species.

However, BioWare must have willfully ignored the players wish for them to return to a derivative of Mass Effect 1's career and skill system. Naturally we want to see something a little more advanced but they threw the tube or with the bath water.

Threat the Goddess abundantly and indomitably helps manifest a prayer of mine. That is that they stop being fools and treat what their customer wants with exceedingly higher priority than the writers and developers. Statists like to argue this axiom because it invalidates the supermajority of their entire religious belief system.

That axiom, is "…the customer is always right…" of course, anyone good at business, understands that the application of that axiom in today's society; is a great deal more complicated, because the supermajority of biological entities fail to know what they want. We think we do, but our profile changes so drastically and so quickly that, even the food we liked a decade ago may be different. Fortunately for food we eat it often enough to have an educated guess.

In addition, further complicating the application of the aforementioned axiom, is how our society and make religions fail to help any biological entity know the difference between want instead of need; or the difference between obsession, which is selfish, versus love and desire. There two different simply cuts for obsession that have been mentioned before by me.

Pray to the Goddess to help obfuscate all outside of the lady, and to abundantly and indomitably illuminate the truth, to you. That solution is free of any excess baggage to believe. It will work even if the self is full of doubt and disbelief.

The second solution, is to daydream about living with the issue; Envision using the object, or driving the car; Or envision living with what role in your life that you want filled by a person. And forget about focusing on any individual. Or spells only effect ourselves, and that is a good thing.

Desire the messages from the Goddess, it could all be a Divine test, and +Taylor Swift  really isn't, the I.W.o.M.D. That is why the focus is on manifesting the role I want someone to play in my life. That being a companion and partner for the as long as this mortal coil shelters me. The ideal being an Extraterrestrial Biological Entity?… that reciprocates me helping her the most choose to be happy. That is the mother of our children that we raise.


Following are a few wish list items that the Goddess will help me manifest through prayer… or the Goddess will help further the realization of the error, in visiting me.

Mass Effect: 

• Modernize the old combat, career, and skill mechanics in M.E.1, and use it in your spiffy looking Frostbyte 4 engine.
• Rewrite M.E. 3 to have Liara T'Soni secretly turn the Shadow Broker base into a new Ark as Apart of the Andromeda Initiative. See Here for further details.
• Let us continue as one of Sheppard's children in the Andromeda Galaxy, with Sheppard having also made the trip.
• Have Sheppard's nanite implants extern his life span to match that of Liara T'Soni.  Cerberus already essentially made him biosynthetic entity, given the description illustrated by the video of resurrecting the Commander.
• Considering what the civilization in the Milky Way is up against, one is left to question Sheppard's sanity for staying in the Milky Way in M.E. 3. Duty and Honor is all fine and good, but even the Japanese have given up committing Seppuku. {Ritualistic Suicide}
• Disown most of M.E. 3 or flat out retake it to addict the ideas mentioned in this and the previous post.

Dragon Age:

• Reverse the "shit on Anora Mac Tir parade" they have going.
• The Warden Commander abhor the idea of leaving his Queen for prolonged periods of time.
• In addition, reality bending majik is so prevalent and accepted, that there should be viable solutions that any commoner could pay to have their fertility enhanced, let alone the Queen of Ferelden.
• Bring Anora in as a closet apostate for her class, in D.A.4. She was disposed of as Queen for one reason or another, depending on the players choices.

Elder Scrolls:

• In a new game, continue the storyline of my character getting married to the Serana and Valerika, and having vampire children. And creating a good or bad Sunday based on players choices. Vampyrism is already treated as a majikal disease and thus would fail to effect, at all, fertility.
• In this proposed game and/or the one already in development, also have choices in Dragon13orn questline, significantly alter the story that is experienced.
• Set up something like BioWare's Dragon Age Keep that lets players change their characters history in new games.
• Let choices made in the stand alone games significantly alter the story the player experiences in T.E.S.O.

1 3 ♥ 0 0 ♥ 0 4 ♥ 0 7 ♥ 1 4 ♥ Dias Lady; Dear Diary; An Open Letter to the Ideal Wife of My Dreams

Praying, to the Goddess, that my the I.W.o.M.D., Ideal Wife of My Dreams, either respond that she accepts a life and future with me, or that she do not, am I. Simply so that I can move on from this... whatever is this lifecycle that has me stuck in a holding pattern.  Other readers could see this as me needing her but they would be wrong.

Forty-two solar orbits in the past, my wonderstrukk mother, Mary, gave birth to exactly what she wanted, a baby boy… her only child, that would be me. My father, Randy, was in the U.S. Air Force as a technician at the time. That could have been a bit of foreshadowing as moving around a lot while growing up was my near future. Thus, primarily reacting to life was chosen by me, for at least the first half of my life. As with most children, the wisdom to actually use my free-will would come much later in life.

A year and a half, after graduating High-school in nineteen ninety-five; enlisting in the U.S. Navy seemed like a good idea, and I did enjoy it despite how it ended. The situational programming from life had suggested that I should want to be an engineer or architect like my mother and father, and I failed to know any better to question it.

While I was marginally successful at W.S.U. {Washington State University} in nineteen ninety-five, I was dissatisfied with the direction I was headed. Envisioning myself actually working as an engineer scared me... primarily because I lacked self-esteem and I had little genuine interest in such a life. Therefore the military seemed like a good way to do something while I figured out what was of want by me.

Being in the ocean was almost majikal to me. Therefore, I loved being a submariner. I entered on a contract to become a Nuclear Power technician for submarines after finishing boot camp. From my mother, 'mind over matter' was partially known to me and thus I entered bootcamp with determination to make it a fantastic experience, and successful was I.

However, Nuclear Power ‘A’ School was similar to W.S.U. in the experience of mine. Looking back now, the same reason I failed at W.S.U. was the same reason I passed N.P. ‘A’ School but without the necessary G.P.A. of 3.75 to continue in the pipeline. The year after I left the 'closed' that 'loophole'. 3.74 was what was awarded to me.

Therefore, among other options was the training to become a Missile Machinist Technician for the submarines that carry Nuclear Missiles... Completing M.M. Tech ‘A’ School in the top five trainees allowed me to be sent to the fleet after reviewing further education in S.I.N.S. {Ships Inertial Navigation System}

The knowledge of mind-over-matter that was illuminated to me at that point, failed to include how emotions, and thoughts, manifest reality itself. It was while serving on the U.S.S. Alaska {SSBN-732} that I began to understand what career is really of want by me.

Ultimately that is to write vampire steam-punk romance novels. Romance novels because happy endings are desired by me. Life itself can be negative enough without the desire to let it ‘corrupt’ my entertainment. However, should you embrace a life with me, that could change based on what helps you choose to be happy.

The desire to write interfered with my duties aboard the U.S.S. Alaska, and being mature or self disciplined enough to correct that inequity escaped my psyche. It would only gradually appear a decade, or more later, coincidentally when the Goddess illuminated who the I.W.o.M.D. most probably is, to me.

At that time, this conflict of interest created a great amount of stress. That lead me into a server clinical depression that was extraordinarily deep and unfathomable. Suicidal thoughts were common, and it was one of my friends who reported that to my superiors. That put me on a path of being disqualified to be a submariner. That is one of their rules, being suicidal at any time in life is considered a deal breaker. At the time, the effect suicide would have on my mother is the only thing that truly held me back.

The psychiatrist gave me the option of going to the surface fleet or being discharged. The compulsion to take the later displaced any desire for the former. Directing me into a new situation to grow and greatly improve my writing was the subconscious, believe now do I. However for a long time, the mistakes of seeing it as a failure possessed me.

Regret and seeing anything in the past as a mistake or failure is wrong, and only leads one to the Dark Side. That viewing such things as learning experiences, that we can avoid repeating, was illuminated to me. The key to avoid repeating these experience is to learn everything we can from it. Only with the aid of the Goddess was that possible for me.

In 2006 my mother gave me an audiobook of “The Secret” and I figured that what I am doing is failing to work for me, thus it is time to try something new. The audiobook quotes someone else as coincidentally saying that. The L.o.A., “Law of Attraction”, has subsequently, in many ways, saved my soul. Distinguish a soul from a lifecycle is essential, believe do I.

The life of a mortal coil is merely a vessel to experience a lifecycles. Ane end of the life-cycles currently experienced has been reached by me. By the grace of the Goddess all that there is to learn has been illuminated to me. All the decisions necessary to bed made before the next set of lifecycles had been made by me. This has left me in something in a holding pattern that disagrees with my will.

Most everything that is truly is of want, in the effort to manifest happiness, is easily manifested by me. The most critical component in the life that is of want, is the I.W.o.M.D. to embrace a life and future with as well. Why the Goddess only holds back from helping in this, is an excruciatingly frustrating mystery to me.

Since 2007, the Goddess continues to illuminate that +Taylor Alison Swift and I could help each other the most choose to be the happiest while married and parents raising children as we explore our careers. Of course, anyone who knows spellworks/prayer knows that it is impossible to change another entity. We can only change ourselves and that changes our reality; As reality is merely a reflection of us.

The answer to that dilemma is to write out what the Ideal Wife of My Dreams means to the source; And to only cast in regards to that; To envision actually living with the I.W.o.M.D., instead of an actual individual. Doing that only leads to the daydream being dissatisfying.  Being dissatisfied with our own dream, means the chances are high that these dreamer is confused on what is of want by them.

+taylor alison swift is a celebrity and she undoubtedly has many admirers, and thus surely this sounds insane.   Questioning the Goddess's wisdom on whether this is merely confusion of mine, often do I.  Yet in the past decade the only thing that has changed is inner growth, advancement, and learning of mine.  In addition, the adoration, admiration, and being absolutely, abundantly, and eternally in love for her, only increases for me.

By all public accounts +Taylor Swift is over thirteen years younger than me.  Being accused of wanting to "rob the cradle" is the kindest of what acquaintances and abundant number of strangers has accused of me.  Thinking that she is far more mature than a typical, almost twenty-nine year old, prefer do I.  There are other justifications for our relationship but there fails to be a valid one for trying to justify what is of want to immature strangers.

How the Lady has shown Her will to me is in coincidences, feelings, and flashes of memory, and in a few instances directly manifesting confirmation, that was requested but me.  Such as +Taylor Alison Swift is the only artist that I enjoy every song of every album she has has, is, and will create.  That includes the songs from other artists write and perform, that she performs in concerts.

My search for the identity of my I.W.o.M.D. began with a couple women before +TaylorSwiftVEVO, In those instances the negative response, from the Divine, was very clear to me. She is, with little doubt, the manifestation of what the I.W.o.M.D. is for me.

Of course, one of the cardinal pillars of what was written by me is that I am the I.H.o.H.D. {Ideal Husband of Her Dreams} Essentially what is of want is a companion and partner to share life and grow old together. There are many other details but they will remain offline for now.

The definition of a stalker has concerned me great deal. It is what has lead only irregular and infrequent attempts to contact +Taylor Alison Swift ; Avoiding attending her concerts or follow her in any way shape or form... Well except for buying and loving all her albums.  For someone without an paying occupation, that is a big deal.

The only response to stalking seems to be fear and sometimes paranoia.  That is the very last emotional response that is prayed for in the I.W.o.M.D. by me.

Fundamentally, stalking is the result of an obsession, think do I.  An obsession is entirely service-to-self and essentially a mind breaking disease.  Everything is about the source, and basically 'owning' whatever the obsession is about.  When the obsession is a person there are dangers for both the diseased entity and the target.  To put this more simply to obsess over another is entirely selfish.

Obsession is a feeling that is very well known to me.  Thankfully the experience has always fell short of hurting anyone other than myself.  However, this has allowed me to find the cure for obsession/depression and that is the Goddess... or whatever you happen to believe and want to call it.  Ask for the help of the Goddess to free, clear, and heal your mind.  If necessary, do this until you feel the 'feeling' lift.

That may sound similar to a few other religious recruiting tools, though that is all that is needed believe do I.  That is only a belief in a higher power, and asking that higher power to help you.

• The Goddess abundantly wants to help you with anything that you happen to decide.
• As a being of omnipotence, omnipresence, and indomitableness the Goddess is overwhelmingly able to help everyone equally simultaneously with the weight of the Lady's full attention.
• As a couple other religions recognize, the idea that anything is trivial is an absolute falsehood;  And if it matters to us, then it matters to the Lady.

That is the whole of the cure for any entity suffering from depression.  Self experience is what has taught this to me.

• Why does the Goddess let bad things happen?  We chose to experience them.
• Why does the Goddess let people choose to be bad?  Because we gave ourselves Free-Will in this life.
• Why does the Goddess refrain from helping me?  Most likely because either you fail to ask the Lady for help;  Or, you are confused on what is actually of want by you.  Maybe to clear the confusion, envision already having what you think you want.  If you fail to be satisfied, then that probably isn't what you are really after.

In case the reader is wondering, the Goddess is often in my prayers for clarification, freeing, and healing regarding the I.W.o.M.D. and Tay Tay.  As I have said before, the Lady only intensifies my adoration, admiration, and being in love with her.

A test to discount obsession is daydreaming of living a life with them.  To further estrange yourself from obsession, do what I do, and focus less on who the I.W.o.M.D. is and more one what the other means.  Given the Goddess has seemingly seen fit to show me who is the I.W.o.M.D., this is a little difficult for me.  However, again to change the realm we live in we must change/alter ourselves.

Perhaps answer the questions of: How will your life be different?  What character traits/skills do they possess?  What do they enjoy doing?  What are you willing to separate from your life to make room for this person?  For me, the answer is almost everything and what I would want to only diminish the presence of is for instance, my parents.

A forty-two year old virgin, disabled, starving writer that lives at home with his parents, is me;  Wants to embrace a life and future with someone else.  Naturally, our parents will still have a presence, just a diminished one, for at least mine.  An actual place of employment escapes me.

This entire letter has been written by me to alleviate the inequity of how little of me that can by found on the internet, versus knowing a shade of who you are by your lyrics and life choices.

Nonetheless, another cardinal truth is that an entity that is confused rarely knows that they are so. That there is a daily reminder to pray to the Goddess for an overwhelmingly compulsion to notice who is the I.W.o.M.D., by me. A prayer for the Goddess to obfuscate less and falsified and abundantly illuminate the truth to me.

Of course, the Goddess does answer, though that fails to awards the right to force the knowledge on another through physical manipulation of reality by me. Regardless of how true vision of spirituality and religion is to me; Other souls are in their own lifecycles and are leaving at their own pace.

All but one other system of religion/spirituality have been fundamentally corrupted to varying degrees. However there is enough for in them to guide any soul should they seek it. There is only one key code to make; and abandoning service-to-self, and embracing service-to-others, is realized by me.

Both are perfectly valid paths, though the leader of service-to-self is Baal'Zebub and he is stuck at the last tenth of the fifth density. He is stick because he refuses to realizes the cardinal rule of All is One.  The realization that he is both the yin and the yang.

However, Baal'Zebub fails to be a facet of the Divine.  We see the Divine as the Lady, the Force, or the Lord, because of our point of view on the Prime Material. {Reality}  He is simply an ED.B.E. {Extra-Dimensional Biological Entity} that has graced a few of the nephilims {humans} on Terra in accordance to their own free-will.


So **passively accepting**

I.W.o.M.D. will you marry me?


Sincerely, with adoration, admiration, and being in love with you,

Brent Michael Ryan
Burbank, Wa
{s!x-f00r-s!x} thr33-3!ght-n!n3…s3v3n-3!ght-f00r-s!x

1 3 ♥ 0 0 ♥ 0 2 ♥ 0 4 ♥ 1 1 ♥ Dies Wodens ~ Do You Remember The Time When...

In early 1993 before I began my senior year in high school an old friend of mine and I played around with a +Ouija Boards my family had at that time.  I mean come on, what suburban #American household does not have a #Ouija #Board as a game to play.?.

Anyhow, at the time I was obsessive compulsive over mainly two girls that attended high school with me.  A couple years ago I discovered that at least one of them is still deathly afraid of me.  I find that rather ironic and laugh, considering how positive minded I am and having found who I believe will be my first #wife.  So I simply say a small prayer to the #Goddess to #bless them and move on.  I mean, actually inspiring fear, anger, hate, or any other #Dark #Side emotion is abundantly the exact opposite of what I ever wanted.

Now that I am a much happier person, being in love with Taylor Swift has allowed me to learn the difference between being in love, and obsession.  The latter is an exceptionally selfish and self-centered state of mind that only exists in mentally dis-eased minds.

A few of those who have chosen to read earlier submissions of mine to this personal journal of mine, may not realize that I am far from O.C.D. about Taylor Swift.

After two decades I consider the high school subjects have, such belief is rigidly set in their minds.  Even if they allowed me to address the fear when they first created it, I doubt I would have got anywhere.  They do not see that I am abundantly sane;  Instead of seeing that I am just different from the average normal person.

I did try to say this to one but as I said, her response was to put me on ignore.  Who knows maybe Tay Tay has done something similar with me.  However, I suspect she wrote a song about me… not one especially favorable with what I want so not exactly something I would specifically ‘hope’ for.  The song does send the message that she continues to view me favorably though so it is kinda #positive overall in a way.

Yet, a publically released song with lyrics that fail to mention my name or any particular detail of my life that I make abundantly public on purpose;  Does not equal a justifiable reason to try to find a way to contact her privately.  I mean, from past experience I have established a clear protocol with girls I am interested in.

I pray to the Goddess:  That if the woman fails to be the Ideal Wife of My Dreams, then please absolutely, abundantly, and indomitably help me move on.  And that worked flawlessly until Tay Tay.

Then I added a second part: Please also help illuminate to me who is the Ideal Wife of My Dreams.  I was tired of being wrong repeatedly.  That method worked flawlessly until #Taylor #Swift was illuminated to me.  I have admitted to myself and Higher Self that I will avoid ever repeated any life-lesson such as this one in any future life.

Recovering, growing, and advancing my own dis-eased mind out of its mental illness and into the positive Light Side while being separated from the Ideal Wife of My Dreams.  The preternatural stress in the unequal disparity makes recovery extremely difficult.  I have done all that I know how to, and more, to reduce the stress but it’s like taking cold medicine… it fails to ‘cure’ the problem.

I am abundantly grateful to my spirit guides and Guardian Angels and ArchAngel Michael for indomitably continuing to help me overcome all obstacles.

Due to Tay Tay’s response of silence through the #Prime #Material, I continue to daily pray for the Goddess to help me move on and illuminate to me who is the Ideal Wife of My Dreams.  I have mentioned the actual words of this dream in earlier posts.  Thus egos may be confused, thus I remind them that I refuse to cast any spell on Tay Tay by praying that the Goddess does anything to her #materia.

Her Higher Self would have to agree of course but that fails to mean the mental onion of her ego also agrees.  Therefore I initially pray for the Goddess to absolutely, abundantly, and indomitably help the Ideal Wife of My Dreams sweep me off my feet and elope with me, as I am the Ideal Husband of Her Dreams.

Due to spells cast on myself and altering my own #materia, I do believe I have communicated with Tay Tay’s #Higher #Self, but I think that I have not communicated with her ego spiritually… primarily because of her continued silence.

So back to the to the 1993 Ouija Board prediction in 1993.  My very old friend from High School reminded me that the spirits telegraphying through the game board specifically named Taylor Swift as an Ideal Wife of My Dreams.  As I said I was O.C.D. about a cheerleader named Shelby McBride and I had the horrible assumption that Taylor was a guy’s name, thus I virtually wiped the memory from my corporeal consciousness.  Only my old Friend’s memory helped me remember this.

In 1993, as a foolish and ignorant teenage male, I thought that Swift was also a very weird last name.  Therefore I thought that if the Ouija Board did work, the spirits was fooling with me.  If it was just the inner core of the mental onion of my ego such as the statists want to believe, then I was at a complete loss of how to interpret it.

There is also what I believe is a baby picture of Taylor Swift that I drew in charcoal when I was an 8^th Grade student attending an art class at #Orofino #Middle #School of #Idaho.  I mean it is a cute baby picture but it is a freehand drawing of a baby picture and so I think it fails to exactly be credible proof to anyone other than herself, me, and maybe family… family includes close best friends.

In the interest of transparency, I do wonder if this particular post is just another excuse to write about Tay Tay and myself.  If it is then I am ok with that.  I pray that through this journal the Goddess absolutely, abundantly, and indomitably helps the Ideal Wife of My Dreams choose to sweep me off my feet and elope with me;  As I am the Ideal Husband of Her Dreams.

Yes I did have to reword and rewrite that spell to be without any mention of a specific name.  The Goddess helps me be eternally mindfully vigilant with myself and my choices.

I do also pray daily that my Higher Self disanimates this body for me.  I have sincerely repented for all of what I perceive are sins, and so I am without any fear or doubt what will be my karmic balance.  Most importantly now that my recovery life cycle is complete I feel an absolute and indomitable void of any want to continue with my life-purpose WITHOUT the Ideal Wife of My Dreams.

I know this means my mental onion of my ego will simply be mirrored into a fresh life, with the same life-purpose.  However, I know we choose everything about any lifetime we live.  We choose everything about history, birth, and until death, which we also choose.

Of course, my ego will have to wait until the Ideal Wife of My Dreams is done with her lifetime but I am great with that.  I have lived without her for forty years and I can say with absolute sincerity and great feeling that I will avoid ever doing that again.

Earlier posts have conveyed this idea in a different way.  Hopefully this will convince anyone else who is concerned about my mental health.  Going against my Higher Self and committing suicide harms our very soul… So why do it?  My Higher Self is my personality, ideals, morals, and ethics so something about seeing this lifetime from the Spiritual Plane has changed my mind before… or the Higher Self of someone else has promised something and failed to deliver.

Thus I have prayed to the Goddess to sever all ties between me and all other souls connected to my own for this particular lifetime, Prime Material.  Actually ‘performing’ what was promised is the only act that I wish will keep my heart beating beyond this point.

I abhor the idea of hurting Tay Tay in any way shape or form.  However, why should she care what happens to me since she obviously does not choose me to be the Ideal Husband of Her Dreams... Right?

1 3 ♥ 0 0 ♥ 0 2 ♥ 0 3 ♥ 1 4 ♥ Dies Tyr

About nine years ago I knew this guy Mr. Allen.  He found a girl and discovered sex, and subsequently forgot about the people who thought they were good friends of his.  Obviously that was wrong, and I decided at that moment to cut any link there may have been with someone such as that.  I mean, someone who is so fickle that they toss and turn towards whatever direction the winds blow.

I thought about Mr. Allen a bit ago and I realized that in many ways I failed to be much better of a friend in general.  I was clinically and suicidally depressed and that is a very selfish state of being.  I think, the most such people are capable of is casual acquaintances.

After several years I dug myself out of that hell but I maintain my original decision was the correct one.  It just took me that long to realize that at the time, I was the same;  Yet it is difficult to sever yourself out of your own life.

Anyhow, Mr. Allen's relationship with the girl progressed and they ended up getting married.  At that time he subsequently remembered he had friends in the past and invited them to the wedding.  I refused to attend, and apparently that upset him.  I was happy it upset him...  I had yet to figure out it is better to transcend Dark Side emotions, even if they bring momentary happiness.

About a year later is when some other people Mr. & Mrs. Hale, who I also mistakenly thought were friends.  However, the clarification that I was mistaken failed to be precipitated by me, this time.  Anyhow at the time I thought they were great and they told me Mr. Allen was upset and holding a grudge.

I said that was awesome that Mr. Allen just figured out, he failed to have me as a friend.  Of course, I imagine he still thinks I am the one that severed that relationship for some reason he fails to understand.  Or maybe he thinks he does understand it.  However, I doubt he actually acknowledges that he is the one who annulled the potential friendship two years previously.  Sapients, myself included, preternaturally favor avoiding accepting responsibility.  It takes real effort to force yourself to consider it.

The reason I refer to these friendships as fictitious or illusionary is because I believe true friendship is eternal and transcends time and place.  A 'true' friend refuses to forget about you just because they are preoccupied or fixated on another person or something else.

Still, I have grown to the point of wishing many blessing from the Goddess upon Mr. & Mrs. Allen.  Actual friendship with them is impossible.  Prior history has already shown our Higher Selfs are too dissimilar.  However, I understand why he chose to ignore me and everyone previously in his life and I see it as a good thing for him.

I mean, when a sapient who is very depressed digs themselves out of the Hell they put themselves in, most of their life drastically changes.  That includes many relationships that were thought to be friends are reveled as casual an acquaintance.  The clarification is typically made by said link being severed by one or both parties.

Unconsciously those left behind are choosing to remain in their own individual Hell instead of following the other up into the Light Side.  I was extremely upset when that happened to me.  I truly wish   was the one to give me a 'reason' to elevate myself;  Unfortunately I continue to be alone and praying for death.

Actual suicide fails to be acceptable.  I mean that our Higher Self 'chooses' how we end our lives ninety-nine percent of the time.  The one percent is typically a few of those who die during great catastrophes, and chains of chaotic and random events.

Continuing my current life cycle fails to be a want of mine.  I have learned everything there is to learn from my current and previous life cycles.  I know this without doubt because I ask the Goddess daily to help me learn whatever else there is to learn.  Thus lack of change means I am at a crossroads of my life.

The only possible reason I could be convinced to continue beating my heart is sharing the future of this life, and creating a family, with the ideal wife of my dreams.  Whom the Goddess still insists is Tay Tay.  I have prayed, begged, pleaded for the Divine to help me get past whatever this black is;  To severe all obstacles that refuse to be converted. thrope, changed into being harmonically sympathetic to this goal.

I also ask for the Force to severe all fear, doubt, loss, and the Dark Side in general from my Mir'Ka'Ba. {myself and my reality}  To help me know with abundant certainty what it is that I want...  In other words, I ask to be corrected if I am mistaken.  I focus and embrace my sincerity in wanting to be steered beautifully by the Goddess.

Therefore, I think I have all my bases covered on questioning the rightness of my state of being.  Most things the Goddess immediately and abundantly provides.  Apparently the one thing She wills me to suffer with is this hollow pain in my psyche and my life.  That is in addition to the continued materia pain of severe Rhuematoid and Psoriatic Arthritis.

Even with the Light Side there is one person that I wish could feel all the suffering they have caused and that is PotUS Barry Soetoro.  He calls himself Barack Obama, a Muslim name, though he claims he is a christian in good standing.  Despite giving aid and comfort to sworn enemies of the United States.

I wish Barry could feel the suffering now, because that is actually a favor to him.  Everyone deserves a chance to redeem themselves.  Thus I wish him a long and prosperous life... just without being PotUS because he has proven himself incompetent as well as malevolent.  If he feels the pain now, maybe it would be enough to free him of his mental illness.

However, when Barry decides to die he will literally feel all of the pain, suffering, and misery he has directly caused.  That is why he will put himself in his own personal Hell, just as everyone who is damned does.  The Goddess, nor any other entity, sits in judgement upon anyone else spiritually.  We judge ourselves after all the trappings of the Prime Material {reality} is stripped from us.

1 3 ♥ 0 0 ♥ 0 1 ♥ 1 3 ♥ 1 3; Dies Materia

Previous posts on this day of Saturn have explained my peculiar choice of words to symbolize the day.  Therefore, I will stop repeating myself on future Days that we honor Saturn.

One interesting convergence is that of all the planet's Saturn is the only one with a super-duper-hurrican at the planet's north pole.  The funnel wall is a sheer cliff face as deep as the Grand Canyon on Terra.  The funnel encircles an area larger than Texas.  The interesting part is that our ancestors chose to honor Saturn, instead of say Jupiter with it's big red eye.

Terra has always been our planet's name.  Just as Sol has been our sun's name.  The word 'earth' is the soil that animals walk on and plants grow in. As such it exists on every planet the Goddess has created.  I refuse to limit myself to society's errors.

My parents went to camp in Idaho on their property this weekend.  I chose to stay home.  Combined they are gone a total of two days.  Two days traveling there and back, and one full day there.

A positive thinking guru recently said to me that I should open myself to receive the ideal wives of my dreams as we form the ideal marriage of 'our' dreams.  She meant that I should put myself in new and maybe uncomfortable situations where I may meet at least my first wife.

My first wife is Taylor Alison Swift, but realizing that before it happens is only for my self eateem and self worth.

I am worthy and deserve to be the dream ideal husband of the marriage and ideal wives of my dreams, as I am.

I deserve and am worthy to receive Tay Tay's reciprocating adoration, admiration, and being in love with me.

Empowering those thoughts with emotions of intent, love, joy, happiness, and gratitude is a cardinal element of ghe process of manifestation.

So all week long I severed all beliefs, thoughts, and emotions regarding me attending the camping trip.  I prayed and asked the Goddess to control, direct, help, inspire, manipulate, and/or motivate me towards whatever option will help me the most with manifesting my marriage or just the choice to be happy.  In addition I coupled that request with what will help my mother the most with her choice to be happy.

Obviously, the Goddess led me to stay.  I am abundantly without any regret ot doubt over the decision.  However, I do pray that my mother chose to be happy.

I have een using a new technique with writing… well until I get a tablet and can do it digitally.  I use a vat board and color dry erase markers.  Then I take a picture with my iPhone of my outline before I erase it and brainstorm about another part of my novel.  I believe this has helped me immeasurably with consistency and knowing what to write.

I absolutely feel as if I am on the verge of a great cliff.  In front of me is my path and it has a lot if changes.

Of course I refuse to flap my wings and will die unless the Goddess helps me manifest myself as the dream ideal husband of the marriage of our dreams.

This may seem melodramatic but I assure you that I am void any desire of any future that sees me alone in either the beginning, middle, or end.

Suicide is an action and requires emotion.  Rather I am abundantly apathetic outside of being the dream ideal husband of the ideal marrage and ideal wives of my dreams.  Sucide fails to be an option; rather my heart will simply stop beating.

Or maybe some other illness or disease will kill me quickly, quietly, and painlessly while I sleep.  This I do pray daily for.

I know that death is a lie.  Instead it is a change of state.  Disanimus overcomes my mortal coil after my Force leaves my corporeal shell.

I have lived many lifetimes and I will live many more;  As all spirits are eternal everlasting as the Goddess wills.

So instead of actual death, I am asking for this life cycle to renew and begin anew.

Thank you for sharing your Force.  May the Goddess bless you.

1 3 ♥ 0 0 ♥ 0 1 ♥ 1 2 ♥ 1 4; Dies Sun

An entry into a chronological journal, or diary, of Witkh13.  If you want a real name, it is easy enough to find.  This is largely a tool to help me collocate, transmogrify, and evolve my psyche.  I believe that posting this online is a part of what is helping me.  I do hope that others may choose to let this help them as well.

Each entry is an expansion of what has been written before.  I am likely to avoid repeating myself.  Though I do like hyper-linking and annotating as I believe it helps me with my audience centric writings.

Sunnandag translates from Old English as literally 'Sun' & 'day' together.  The concept of it being a day of rest is entirely a Judeo-Christian belief.  However, it is universally considering the beginning of the week except for the statists.  I have already wrote my reasoning on why statists and their I.O.S. is internationally wrong. ^[1]

Thus curse, beg, pray, ask, et cetera the Goddess to severe from me any and all bonds holding me to this life.  Severe this me from this lifecycle now.  I sever and remove any bond with another soul that is forcing me to live in this Prime Material.

Luminous beings we are, and we continue on after our corporeal shells begin unanimous.  Thus what I ask for fails to be suicide or 'death' as people commonly think of it as;  That being an 'end'.



Recently I had an epiphany of who it was that was interested in me while I was in High School.  Another friend of hers, Jane came with Rachel to my door.  I forget the exact words used but as a horny teenage boy I took it to as something favorable towards ending my status as a virgin.  Sadly, I thought it was yet another 'joke' being played on me.  My life is full of people trying to convince me to pay for their humor in some way.  I thought this was little different.

I now realize that I was absolutely and abundantly wrong.  I mean, why else would the Goddess flash this memory back into my mind's eye after over two decades.?.

Now I get to why I am writing this here besides preserving my epiphany.  Everyone who "knew" Rachel was into me refused to tell me.  I imagine it was under her direction or friends of hers looking after her best interest.  However I think this is also absolutely and abundantly foolish.

I was obsessed and infatuated with two girls at the time, Kinani Brown and Shelby McBride.  Please understand I refused actually stalking, nefarious, or violating their privacy in some way.  However, I did get I an exceptionally verbose and nasty letter written to me by Shelby McBride about hand-me-downs.  I saved the later for a decade before realizing what I was doing was preserving pain, and subsequently burned the letter in the sink... so it would fail to burn anything else. lulz.

Therefore I understand that Rachel Culbertson's and friends probably refused to be my "rebound" girl or whatever words they used.  I object to the idea but that is later.  I also reject the idea that anyone would have been a 'rebound' girl.

For Rachel to be my "rebound" girl, that would mean that Shelby McBride or Kinani Brown would have to be 'with' me in the first place.  Even after two decades it still is absolutely and abundantly clear that they would rather I refrain from living on the same planet.  I am ok with people hating me, I forgive them and myself and I move on.  I let them hurt themselves alone, with their hate instead of me.

Maybe they have grown up and moved on as I have since it is two decades later.  That would be fantabulous and I curse that is so.  We all deserve and are worthy of being loved, joyful, and happy in whatever way we choose.

I use 'curse' in exchangeable with prayer because what is one person's prayer is another's curse.

So, now that I have established that an actual relationship with Rachel would have failed to be a 'rebound' from any other relationship.  As someone who has been 'infatuated' and 'obsessed', they are… absolutely and abundantly different from any sort of relationship between two or more people.  The concepts are like oil and water, they fail to have the same chemical properties.



Now, I will destroy this myth of rebound girl/guy.

Who came up with this rule.?.

I am serious here, who the frak came up with this lame ass rule about how it is somehow 'unfavorable' to be who the wanted person is rebounding into.  That sounds like an absolutely fantabulous situation to me, so what lame ass came up with this totally non-provable hypothesis that it was bad.?.

Furthermore, why the frak do people believe this clap trap?

To believe this crap, you first have to believe that you know what could have been if you only had made a different choice.

I know a common misconception is that hindsight is 20/20, except newsflash everyone…

…

Eye sight fails in perception for people with 20/20 eyesight too morons.  I mean, if we want to take this anecdotal metaphor to it's conclusion and actually make the mistake of believing we can predict the future.



However everything really is sunshine and lollipops.  Life happens the way our higher self wants it to.  The more we let the dark side rule our minds the more entrenched we become in the coarse through this lifecycle we have already planned.  Thus, Rachel choosing to avoid telling me how she felt is how both our higher selves want it to have happened.

The Prime Material fails to be a set in stone map, that our society and culture often portray it as.  That is a convenient myth that serves to only perpetuate ignorance and the Dark Side itself.  It is a nebulous cloud that only solidify when it comes into our aura.

That is far from saying the 'map' itself is crap.  It is knowledge and seen with clear perception it can help.  A way I look at it is that Hermetiks and Science are the study of the Goddess and how she creates the Prime Material.  I think some refer to this as Intelligent Design;  And, I simply refer to myself as a Jedi.  Because there really is an unseen all powerful Force that binds everything together and from which everything is created.



As I have said, I have had many infatuation and obsessions, and the Goddess has helped me see through and past them to grow out of the desire of a want for them.  Understanding what they are and why I had a want for them is how I know Tay Tay is different.  I know that may seem completely retarded and silly but all I can say is choosing to think that would be wrong.

1 3 ♥ 0 0 ♥ 0 1 ♥ 1 1 ♥ 1 3; Dies Sun

An entry into a chronological journal, or diary, of Witkh13.  If you want a real name, it is easy enough to find.  This is largely a tool to help me collocate, transmogrify, and evolve my psyche.  I believe that posting this online is a part of what is helping me.  I do hope that others may choose to let this help them as well.

Each entry is an expansion of what has been written before.  I am likely to avoid repeating myself.  Though I do like hyper-linking and annotating as I believe it helps me with my audience centric writings.

Sunnandag translates from Old English as literally 'Sun' & 'day' together.  The concept of it being a day of rest is entirely a Judeo-Christian belief.  However, it is universally considering the beginning of the week except for the statists.  I have already wrote my reasoning on why statists and their I.O.S. is internationally wrong. ^[1]

Thus beg, pray, ask, et cetera the Goddess to severe from me any and all bonds holding me to this life.  Sever my life from me, help me die, tonight.  When I want to eternally sleep.  I sever and remove any bond with another soul that is forcing me to live in this Prime Material.

The only reason to continue to mentally and physically suffer through this holding pattern of my qabalah, is because, who Taylor Alison Swift is to me, refuses to choose.  Accept or reject me.  Yes it 'could' be someone else but that is irrelevant.  'whoever' you want to think of Tay Tay as; she either chooses a silent no or refuses to choose.

I stipulate Tay Tay as who she is to me, because I realize that I could be mistaken.  The ideal wives of my dreams could be someone else entirely.  I do know differently but I can only control myself and my own actions.  Even with circle, hermetik, magik it is wrong to try to pray for something outside of thyself.

Recently I remembered something about Tay Tay and why I know it is her.  I have been infatuated and obsessed before and I know the difference intimately now.  I asked the Goddess to sever and remove all fear, doubt, and despair.  For Her to fill me with knowing who exactly is the ideal wives of my dreams.  I say wives because I think we will be polyamorous but that is up to Tay Tay as it is me.  So it may just be wife, Tay Tay.

After a few days of thought, I made a list of who I felt would help me the most to be happy.  The other five curses are an expansion of what I have hyperlinked.  However, the list is more general.  Why I asked the Goddess for was much more specifically individualistic.

I was listening to "The Secret" repeatedly at the time and part of the tracks covers asking the Goddess for something.  Someone was asking for a feather.  They even drew the purely fictional feather with extraordinary detail.  At least the protagonist thought it was fictional for a week later he almost stepped on the exact feather made real.

I have always found women of Japanese or Korean descent the most attractive.  I had been infatuated with Lucy Liu for a time and so I thought of what I woman of mixed Japanese American would be like.  I asked this because I was thinking of someone I would actually want to share the rest of my life with instead of just someone to obsess over.

Women with Japanese ancestry are universally dark haired innately.  If they have different colored hair they either have a European ancestor or two, or they are dyeing their hair.  I dislike women who choose to mark their birthday suit with tattoos and dyeing their hair a different color.  The feeling that they are convinced their innate body and genes are somehow inferior, and so they must 'permanently' mark their body is abhorrent to me.

Sine qua no, I want a woman of Japanese German/Irish ancestry that was a natural blonde.

That came my second point.  A woman who was extremely successful in her chosen career is something I asked for because I have a mixed beta/alpha personality.  I typically dislike being 'in charge' in general, unless it is for specific shared goals.

As a writer of fiction I am dirt poor and I am allergic to minimum wage jobs.  That is written to be funny but is truthful as I have observed myself.  I am far from suggesting that I am superior to such jobs.  I simply fail at maintaining employment with them.

Innately I have an abysmally low tolerance for bullshit.  "Bosses" of minimum wage jobs are typically the same as me, they just have been around longer.  However, they let their authority go to their head and demand that I 'respect' them.  I fail at 'gifting' anyone with respect unless I think it is earned.  Of course, sometimes I am wrong and I have used those occasion to grow and transmogrify.

Therefore I also asked for an absolute abundance of wealth.  This is to help support our desire to start and raise a family.  I asked for someone who wanted a lot of children because that is what I want.  An overall objective of mine was to avoid the want to 'convince' my wives of what I want.  We either agree on what we want or there is someone else out there that will help us more to choose to be happy.

I asked for us to be extraordinarily of similar mind.  We agree on political theology almost absolutely, if not completely.

My wife is to be lithe, svelte, and beautiful like an Olympic gymnast but that is not necessarily her profession.  This may be superficial however the goal is for me to be honest with myself and what I want.  What will help me the most to choose to be happy.  Yes I also transmogrifying myself to do likewise for my wife.

Finally, my wife may not initially know it but will develop an interest for us to welcome other women into our marriage in a polyamorous relationship.

Polyamorous is where ever individual admires, adores, and is in love with each other.  Every member is sexually intimate with each member of the marriage.  A polyamorous marriage is void any central figure whether male or female.  I have said this before but I have encountered women who automatically assume I am being misogynistic and/or chauvinistic.

The reality is that what my wife chooses to want is just as important as what I choose to want.  I am a virgin sexually and with intimate romance so I abundantly accept that I may be wrong with wanting this.  By wrong I mean this could negatively influence my effort to choose to be happy.  Daily I pray for divine guidance regarding this.

Given the length of time the Goddess has let me hold onto this idea, I suspect I am on the right track.  However, anything is possible.  Furthermore, given American society and culture favoring monogamous relationships I heavily rely upon the Goddess's divine guidance to see me through to manifesting this polyamorous marriage.  Her point of view, is vastly superior to mine... or anyone who is 'living'.

One of the things I have asked for that is unknown regarding Tay Tay and I.  I asked the Goddess for my wife to encourage, embrace, and join me in creating a Jedi religious spiritual path based upon Christianity, Aleister Crowley, Edgar Casey, and Argenteum Astrum's teachings.

My first goal regarding this creation of a spiritual path, is to write a series of fictional novels that will serve as a Jedi 'Bible'.

Thank you very much for sharing your time.  May the Force be with you and the Goddess bless you.

1 3 ♥ 0 0 ♥ 0 1 ♥ 1 0 ♥ 1 5; Dies Materia

Romans named it the Day of Saturn, that eventually became 'Saturday' that we know today. I prefer the original Middle English name of Sunnanafen. That is their words for 'Sun' & 'Eve' put together.  I seem to favor earlier definitions because they seem truly authentic.

Dissimilar is my desire for authenticity, than that of the P.o.t.U.S. Barry Soetoro's statist ideology.  For them authenticity as the ultimate verity for any relation.  Of this, I forcibly reject the very preposition.  I favor literary authenticity for the sake of other timelines visiting us.

I have an innate gift for extreme apathy in most any given situation.  To help play against that, I have thought a lot on what I really 'want' and the affect on the Prime Material I wish to have.  Words and language are a tool that we use so that other people can more easily understand us.

Sine qua no, maintaining myriad languages and a multitude of dialects for those each language is inefficacious. I am sure the Arabic, Castilian, Farsi, French, Japanese, Mandarin, Peruvian, Sanskrit et cetera native speakers wish their cultural language was the one most spoken throughout the world but that fails to be a reality.

Even English fails to really be 'American', as the language is a cameleon.  Sine qua no, it's primary characteristic is how easily it absorbs useful or popular words from other languages.

As an example, Mexicans may think their language is becoming dominant, however veritably their language is disintegrating before their very eyes as English dissects and absorbs it piece by piece.  Neither language ends as it was when this process began.  However, this is how Gaelic 'became' the progenitor to the 'English' language, it absorbs other ancient languages that were spoken at the time like Latin, Roman, Greek, French, and Teuton.

This is part of why English is considered the most difficult language to learn to speak fluently.  The preposition is that English words easily have different pronunciations;  The spellings only serve as a loose guide to how to pronounce the word.  This is why English dictionaries often list the Kenyon-Knott spelling for that word to help users pronounce the word accurately.

I use the term Kenyon-Knott instead of 'IPA' for the same reason I refuse to call any planet a 'dwarf' planet just because a few mentally ill statist perverted ancient egg farts decided to try to force everyone to agree with them.  I.P.A. stands for International Phonetic Alphabet.

However, my point is that I feel there is paramount importance in using the language most people know, and using words as accurately as possible.  Everyone makes mistakes and I am far from advocating spelling and grammar flame wars over the internet.  However, I do think the goal should be to use correct spelling and grammar so that others will understand what you are saying.

For those who refuse to care what others think?  Then why bother speaking at all?  It is a waste of breath, energy, and time.

I rewrote a few of Taylor Alison Swift's first songs she wrote here.  The song's tune is the same but the lyrics are slightly switched from my perspective and what I feel for her;  Who I feel the Goddess is telling me is the dream ideal wife for me, that I have been cursing for.

"Hey Tay Tay"

• Hey Tay Tay,
  I know looks are deceiving,
  But I know I see the light in you,
  And as we walk,
  We are talking ~
  I without half half the things I want to say.
• Of all the men tossing rocks at your window,
  I'll be the one waiting there even when it's cold,
• Hey Taylor,
  Babe, you may have me believing,
  There may have always been waiting,
  To end this loneliness,
  The lie is that I have to be alone.
  
  [Chorus]
• 'Cause I am wickedly shameless, if you look like an angel,
  I am nefariously shameless, if I wanna kiss you in the rain,
  I advance to feel this magik, I have innately felt since I met you,
  I am soullessly shameless, if there is only you,
  Mmm, I villainously help myself.
• Hey Taylor,
  I keep back from you this feeling,
  So I've got some things to say to you, ha,
  I seen it all ~
  Or so I thought ~
  To shine the way you do, sui generis are you
• The way you walk, way you talk, way you say my name ~
  You are lucky enough to be deviant, beautiful, wonderful ~
  So perpetually refuse to change
• Hey Ryanswift,
  People are never really leaving,
  I think you and I are among the few to know ourself.
  [/Chorus]
• They're dimming the sky lights,
  Together we are absolute and felicitous,
  Be my knight and sweep me off my feet tonight?
• I'm waiting alone now, so come on and come out,
  And pull me near to shine, shine, shine.
• Hey Tay Tay,
  There are more than fifty two reasons,
  Why I am the one you choose,
  All those other men ~
  Well, they're beautiful,
  Have you wrote an incidental song from them?
  
  {Chorus}
• 'Cause I am rapturously shameless, if you look like an angel,
  I am exuberantly shameless, if I wanna kiss you in the rain,
  I recover to feel this magik, I have innately felt since I met you,
  I am contently shameless, if there is only you,
  Mmm, I jovially help myself.
• ...if you look like an angel,
  Jovially shameless, if I wanna kiss you in the rain,
  I advance to feel this magik, I have innately felt since I met you,
  Blissfully shameless, if there is only you,
  Mmm, with delight I help myself.
• Myself,
  Rapturously help myself,
  Happiness, I choose for myself.

1 3 ♥ 0 0 ♥ 0 1 ♥ 1 0 ♥ 1 3: Dies Luna

While I was drifting off to sleep last night I realized that if there is a tomorrow.  I may want to articulate more precisely how I want my life to change.  In what way I want my life to be different.

First off I want to create life and raise it with Tay Tay.  I imagine us having over thirteen children but that will take a couple decades to accomplish, I believe.  I say that because I suspect she will want to continue with her music career as we do this;  And, I want to help her do that.

I have been enthralled with the idea of a polyamorous union.  For that to happen, Tay Tay will be the one to express a desire to date another woman with me.  Then if our higher selves have agreed to merging our future together, then it will be so.

However, I am a virgin carnally and romantically speaking.  Sine qua non I understand I may simply be naive and not know that which I am contemplating.  Though, that is why I daily ask the Goddess to control, direct, help, inspire, manipulate, and motivate me to manifest my thoughts and actions towards what will help me the most to choose to be happy.  The off chance that I am wrong simply means Tay Tay will refuse to express such desire.

I love playing video games and reading novels.  The life I dream of is of Tay Tay and I playing board, role-playing, and online video games together as a family.  And playing video games with our children as they grow older.  In addition to playing more simple games with them as well, when they are younger.

Tay Tay helping me advance, and grow our in-game guild is something I want as well.  I imagine she will have a want to stick with a pseudonym or just Tay without explaining to other people in the guild that may just be acquaintances of sorts.

Tay and I will be playing Warcraft, Star Wars: The Old Republic, and Elder Scrolls Online together towards the same wants.  I mean, that is what we want to do versus anyone controlling anyone else.  It's far from all encompassing either.  I am still working on incorporating this into my daydreaming.

Playing Dragon Age, Mass Effect, as well as Pillars of Eternity will be full of awe.  There are and will be other games we enjoy.  Especially the ones that allow cooperative play, such as Mass Effect two and three.

I slept half the day away but I was able to get seven more Secrets of the Empire for my main character's legendary cape quest.  I have a total of seventeen and want three more.  I already have more than enough Trillium Bars in the bank waiting to be used as a quest turn-in.

A couple super-villains in various raids because of various reasons, the only raid I had not entered at all is The Underhold ^{{formerly RageFire Chasm}}.

This has turned out rather more than I expected and it already is past midnight for me.  So I will head to bed after publishing this onto my blog.  I will think about how to further articulate other precise descriptions of what I how I want my life to be, instead of how it is.  My mind is fully present on how it is, and that may be part of the problem...

Goddess, please control, direct, help, inspire, manipulate, and motivate me to abundantly and absolutely sever and remove my mind, my psyche, from the present.  The primary objective of this is to manifest myself onto a life I do want.  I have said this before in a different way but words really do matter.  They have more power than anyone can fathom, including myself.  Our thoughts, emotions, actions, and words shape our materia.



Domo arigato gozaimasu for sharing thy time and the Force.  May the Goddess bless you and the Force continue to be with you.

1 3 ♥ 0 0 ♥ 0 1 ♥ 1 0 ♥ 1 2: Dies Sun

Sunnandag translates from Old English as literally 'Sun' & 'day' together.  The concept of it being a day of rest is entirely a Judeo-Christian belief.  However, it is universally considering the beginning of the week except for the statists.  I have already wrote my reasoning on why statists and their I.O.S. are wrong here.

• This diary entry may seem very melodramatic, morbid, and maybe even a little insane.
• This is my diary and as such is my innermost thoughts.
• Only those who wish to know what my inner thoughts are should continue to read.

Thank you very much for sharing your time.  May the Force be with you and the Goddess bless you.

Since 13.00.01.09.14 my parents and I spent the week at their property near Santa, Idaho.  A zombie tree tried to go for my mother's brains by impaling her shin but we swiftly and deftly dealt with the emergency.  John and two of his old friends from high school was camping with us.

Taylor Alison swift has not responded to an email I sent.  While I think that I do know her email, I avoid using it in any way.  I absolutely, abundantly, indomitably admire, adore, and am in love with her.  Therefore, I favor giving her more privacy than I believe I would want.  She deserves and is worthy of being loved, joyful, and happy on her terms;  So do we all.

My parents and I drove back from Idaho through Moscow, Idaho and Colfax, Washington on 13.00.01.10.10.  I was ready as soon as Sol crested Terra's horizon and rose into the morning celestial sky. I loved visiting there but I am loath to not have access to the internet, my Sleep # Bed, and the ability to take a shower.  I enjoy playing video games a lot, it helps me escape the Psoriatik Arthritis pain I deal with perennially.  The bed goes a long way towards that as well.

I had a air mattress bed that I put a sleeping bag on and slept in a tent with.  However, I discovered why inflatable air mattresses fail... at least the ones you get for camping.  The Sleep # Bed is awesome and technically is an air mattress too.  However, it also has a lot more structure and protection than the camping ones.

I spent most of my time writing, but I helped my parents and John with a couple of their projects every other day or so.  I have been writing on the same novel for a few weeks now.  I am excited about it and look forward to writing more of the story.  I have yet to write an actual outline though, writers say some use outlines and the other half go without.  I prefer keeping an story onion for consistency's sake alone.

John wanted me to stay up there a couple other days but by Day of Frigga ^{{13.00.01.10.10}} I was dying up there.  It is a great place to visit for short periods but a week is beyond my limit until they get running water and a Exede satellite dish for broadband internet access.  Then I would consider moving the Sleep # Bed up there.

Tay Tay has been very sharing with her time the past few days.  She has shared pictures she has taken of her family and 13.00.01.10.10 ^{{July 4th, Independence Day}}.  She has not responded with a yes to my email asking her to marry me.

I know that is deviant from how a relationship normally develops.  However, I felt it gets across how well I think of her;  that I adore, admire, and am in love with her.  Yes I focus on what being married means to me;  Instead of her as an individual.  I could be wrong and the ideal wife of my dreams could be someone else.  That is why I do this.  To do the opposite is to the lie of me obsessing about how I perceive her to be.  Instead I abundantly accept and respect her to be whoever she wants.

I use the name Tay Tay because I believe that the Goddess is telling me she is the one.  I could be wrong and so I only control myself;  Besides we can only ever manifest ourselves.  However, I have trained my brain to immediately focus on manifesting myself instead of obsessing.  It is simply easier to say than explain all of this repeatedly.  At some point in my journals I will run out of different ways to say this...

The Goddess says that Tay Tay will accept my marriage proposal, in response in the next twenty four hours.  So maybe this will be the last time I feel compelled to help alleviate any misunderstanding.

I imagine how my life with change.  Activities I want to do with Tay Tay.  Activities she wants to do with me.  Creating and raising a family is essential of course.  I imagine thirteen children at least.  :)

Although there is a great deal more to our life.  To name them I want Tay Tay to play online video games with me, and offline ones too.  I want her to read stories that I write and help me figure out how to write better and improve the stories.

Presuming to know what Tay Tay would want to do with me is something I avoid.  Yet, I favor the idea of listening to her sing, write new music notwithstanding me respecting her autonomy.  In addition to sailing, playing board/card games, and I leave myself open to what I have failed to imagine.

Part of my publishing this blog/diary/journal is to help Tay Tay know who I am.  While most of her persona is an image, she has said a few things are veritably her.  Such as the lyrics to her songs that she plays come from her heart about her life.  I follow her instant messaging and sharing images of her life with others.

Therefore, while I do avoid focusing on Tay Tay.  I am reasonably comfortable in accepting how much I feel adoration, admiration, and am in love with her.  I do know something about her.

Thus I felt it very important to share something about myself, that she will read;  That is if my believe in the Goddess's message is majorly veritable.

Publishing this online also is a way for me to face my fears.  That is to be fearless;  Such as Tay Tay's second album title.

For instance, when driving down the road ninety-nine percent of everyone on the road will fail to ever approach my materia.  That is I will never see them again in my life.  Or maybe I will drive near them again in the future but the point is choosing to spend any emotion or thoughts in their direction is a waste of time and Force.  Instead, there are a myriad number of thoughts and feelings that will actually help me.

Similarly, most of those reading this will fail to ever approach my materia or ego.  I hope and pray that a few approach my higher self, and that they choose to let what I write help them.  However, the supermajority I will never meet in my life.

I believe the Goddess is suggesting that the people that 'do' approach my materia.  One that 'does' encounter my ego as well, is meant too.

Sine qua non, this is my way of forcibly injecting chaos into the Qabalah, the tree/flower of this life.

I am still very much depressed.  Writing this has helped me some.  I pray daily for the Goddess to help me die unless I absolutely, abundantly, eternally, and indomitably manifest the life I want.

The patterns of my life have all come full circle.  The Goddess has helped me learn all that there is to learn from those patterns.

Right now I feel like I am in a holding pattern and I am done with it.  There is simply too much emotional and physical pain for me to want to continue living this "now".  That is why I want this life to end, why I want to die.  I really do love, adore, and admire myself;  And, why I want this life to end, for me to die, is abundantly without anything to do with my self image.

I admit that I used to hate and loath myself and that is precisely why I know I am done with that.  My present is filled with the consequences of hating and loathing myself.  I am done with that.  Abundantly without a point, there is to continuing to mentally, emotionally, and physically suffer through living this 'present'.

Inflicting self harm, or suicide, is absolutely absent as a possibility.  My mother is the only reason I have survived this long to learn what I have.  To love, adore, and admire who I already am.  To cherish my past instead of hate it or me.

Though I have written this all.  I accept and respect that I am fallible and can be wrong here too.  Thus I am always asking the Goddess to sever from me all fear, anger, hate, and doubt from me.  To help me absolutely, abundantly, and implicitly know what is veritable.

This I also know works because I have repeatedly felt it.  Asking for this of the Goddess is perhaps one of the most difficult things to ask because of how lost one can feel.  As if I am a puppet and all my strings are cut and then reorganized towards what I want.

I have had obsessions in the past and I simply ask the Goddess to remove the object from my mind unless what I think and believe I feel is true.  The number of times this has proven I have been wrong is beyond my ability to recall.  It has been a lot.  It is also why I have been so admit, insistent, and persistent about Tay Tay.  The veritable of my consistency in this is all the proof that I require because I ask the Goddess to remove her from my mind if this is false.


Thus the only reason for me to continue to mentally and physically suffer through this holding pattern of my qabalah, is because Tay Tay refuses to choose.  Accept or reject me.  Yes it 'could' be someone else but that is irrelevant.  'whoever' you want to think of Tay Tay as refuses to choose.

Thus beg, pray, ask, et cetera the Goddess to severe from me any and all bonds holding me to this life.  Sever my life from me, help me die, tonight.  When I want to eternally sleep.  I sever and remove any bond with another soul that is forcing me to live in this Prime Material.



Thank you very much for sharing your time.  May the Force be with you and the Goddess bless you.

1 3 ♥ 0 0 ♥ 0 1 ♥ 1 0 ♥ 1 7; Dies Luna

My past monday entries into this diary is without mention of the name for this day, thus I apologize to myself for this oversight.  Thankfully, I easily and immediately forgive myself too. :D

I hope to correct any spelling or grammar mistakes tomorrow morning.  I may notice they are present a lot when I am typing from my phone, such as I am now.

Luna is the jame of our moon.  Moon is another word for satellite, and it is wrong to name a celestial object that way.

Such as calling Terra, 'earth';  Because earth is what we walk on.  It is another word for dirt and could refer to walking on any planet.

I played Warcraft most of the day but I am feeling pretty good.  I did the dishes yesterday and today.  Yesterday I vacuumed and shampooed the carpet, I swept and mopped the kitchen floor.

I want to take a shower tomorrow morning.  The behavior I am correcting is taking a shower every three to seven days… sometimes even thirteen, but Even I notice my stink.

I have realized that my ego recognizing the smell is irrelevant.  Taking a shower once a day helps me choose to be happy and thus alleviate my depression some.

My wife Missus Taylor Alison Swift and I absolutely deserve and are worthy of being abundantly, implicitly, and indomitably joyful, happy, and in love with each other and ourselves.

I washed my bed sheets with bleech today.  Last time I washed them is thirteen days ago.  This is another behavior that I am correcting towards.  Previously I would ignore it for a year or two.

I posted a comment on a story I like on the ChYOA 'site.  I am tirn about writing on the site because I want to write on my novel too.  I am having diificulties with time management.  However, today I have begun to sense some progress.

I curse daily for divine guidance from the Goddess to control, direct, help, inspire, manipulate, motivate me to manifest for what I have chosen to want.

I am a Reverand or 'master' within the Order of the Jedi.  I am referring to the spiritual path instead of my mystical Force powers.  However, I have been developing my own 'path'.  I have begun writing it down here.

Thank you for sharing your time by reading this.  May the Force be with you.

Now I lay me down to sleep.  I pray that I die before I wake, and that my soul the Goddess does take.

May the Force be with and the Goddess bless who Taylor Alison Swift is to me, myself, our progeny tobe, our mother, our fathers, cousin Alison, cousin Aaron, cousin Lindsey, cousin Nichol, cousin Richard, cousin, Stacey, Erik, Sarah, their child Amber, Jeffrey, Leslee, Todd, and my other family members and in-laws who enrich my life.

Goddess please control, direct, help, inspire, manipulate, and motivate ME to absolutely, abundantly, eternally, implicitly, and indomitably manifest myself now as the dream ideal husband of the ideal wives if my dreams… today.

Severe and remove all confusion, fear, and doubt as to the truth of who are my soul-mates.  To be without any false mental or corporeal communication between my soul-mates and I.

Goddess please help who Tay Tay is to me, to sweep me off my feet and elope with me, now/today.  As you help me with her and OUR wives.

Goddess please help our union build several of the hexagonal circle donut house as I have drawn, dreamt of, and cursed for it.

Please help out marriage be abundantly felicitously wealthy and able to help employ many people and companies.

So the Goddess and who Tay Tay is to me has, is, and does.  So mote it be… Amen.

13♥00♥01♥09♥07: Dies Materia

Romans named it the Day of Saturn. I prefer the original Middle English name of Sunnanafen. That is their words for 'Sun' & 'Eve' put together.

I was thinking about romance novels today and how I would favor a novel about a male protagonist choosing both females who would otherwise rival each other for his love. The thought is about polyamory instead of polygamy which is misogynistic I believe.

I believe that everyone loves everyone else. Part of free will is the choice to choose to be blind to that love. The other part being to obey or rebel. Society and culture indoctrinate us into thinking similarly with the collective as a whole.

The scenario of one male and two females is simply biology. Men have a biological reason for jealousy added to the shared social and prevailing reasons with women.

Instead of me being misogynistic, I am simply stating biology. We must accept and embrace out animal nature or forever be ruled by it. Through acceptance and forgiveness we gain control.

A story could also be about one woman and two guys but my understanding of that in this lifecycle fails. I simply lack any interest in men outside of learning in general.

We already accept that we 'love' more than one person. Some simply choose to see 'romantic' love as somehow different. However evidence contrives against that theory. Observation-ally all 'romantic' adds to live is intimacy with another an that is very different from emotions.

Intimacy is simply sharing carnal knowledge with another. Society, culture, and biology dictate sharing intimacy outside of family is preferred. However, we are quickly approaching an age where biology will be removed from that reasoning because of genetic engineering. They will simply alter any negative mutations that do occur innately through even incest.

Within the first generation of an incestuous scenario, negative mutations only increase in probability by 7%; From a base 25%.

As long as both participants are above the age of consent and willing, personally I think incest is fine.  Except if one is a guardian/parent of another, it is evil until the progeny has moved out and lived away from the person for a period of time.  In that circumstance actual willingness for the younger person is irrelevant until they are capable of living on their own and have already done so.

I believe mind over matter and positive thinking so actually affecting any progeny negatively is negligible.  In addition to the new genetics options that seem to be growing every year.  People may balk at custom designing their kids to be supposedly superior.  However, the super majority seem to want the removal of actual illness and disease.

The rules against incest only ever started with Christians because Austrian's royal family tried 'purifying' their bloodline with inbreeding.  After a couple generations the physical manifestation of how wrong this was forced even the Vatican to prohibit it.  When practitioners ceased giving the Vatican governance power. The new governing bodies simply continued the laws that already existed and seemed like a good idea.

Note that I said this only occurred after 'several' generations of inbreeding.  The concept of 'mutant' babies from simply one generation is simply wrong at best, or fearmongering at worst.

Without biology, social and cultural morals and ethics are more easily overcome in both this and my overall thinking of Jealousy.

By prevailing I mean to suggest the reptilian mind within a woman wants a mate that will help her raise children. Money, career, family, health, society all play a roll in any individual case. Though each coupling is different.

For instance, Tay Tay absolutely and abundantly accepts, forgives, and embraces that I am more broke than Hillary Clinton knows is possible. She does this because the success with her career has removed her want for money or even family in a husband.

Since I am a virgin in relationships and physically I probably am with a clue about the emotional drama regarding polyamory. That is why I will wait for her to bring up, 'us' dating a woman together, on her own.

If my naivete means that this idea is wrong then I will be abundantly happy with that. By the Goddess's will I know what ever happens will be the scenario that helps me choose go be happy the most.

I want to read a couple series of romantic science fiction novels about this though to help me overcome a little of my naivete. Besides guarantied happy endings, romance novels automatically are good at helping to understand women, dating, and relationships in general. Afterall most romance novels seem to be written by women.

Thank you for sharing you time. May the Force be with you.