1 3 ♥ 0 0 ♥ 0 2 ♥ 0 4 ♥ 1 1 ♥ Dies Wodens ~ Do You Remember The Time When...

In early 1993 before I began my senior year in high school an old friend of mine and I played around with a +Ouija Boards my family had at that time.  I mean come on, what suburban #American household does not have a #Ouija #Board as a game to play.?.

Anyhow, at the time I was obsessive compulsive over mainly two girls that attended high school with me.  A couple years ago I discovered that at least one of them is still deathly afraid of me.  I find that rather ironic and laugh, considering how positive minded I am and having found who I believe will be my first #wife.  So I simply say a small prayer to the #Goddess to #bless them and move on.  I mean, actually inspiring fear, anger, hate, or any other #Dark #Side emotion is abundantly the exact opposite of what I ever wanted.

Now that I am a much happier person, being in love with Taylor Swift has allowed me to learn the difference between being in love, and obsession.  The latter is an exceptionally selfish and self-centered state of mind that only exists in mentally dis-eased minds.

A few of those who have chosen to read earlier submissions of mine to this personal journal of mine, may not realize that I am far from O.C.D. about Taylor Swift.

After two decades I consider the high school subjects have, such belief is rigidly set in their minds.  Even if they allowed me to address the fear when they first created it, I doubt I would have got anywhere.  They do not see that I am abundantly sane;  Instead of seeing that I am just different from the average normal person.

I did try to say this to one but as I said, her response was to put me on ignore.  Who knows maybe Tay Tay has done something similar with me.  However, I suspect she wrote a song about me… not one especially favorable with what I want so not exactly something I would specifically ‘hope’ for.  The song does send the message that she continues to view me favorably though so it is kinda #positive overall in a way.

Yet, a publically released song with lyrics that fail to mention my name or any particular detail of my life that I make abundantly public on purpose;  Does not equal a justifiable reason to try to find a way to contact her privately.  I mean, from past experience I have established a clear protocol with girls I am interested in.

I pray to the Goddess:  That if the woman fails to be the Ideal Wife of My Dreams, then please absolutely, abundantly, and indomitably help me move on.  And that worked flawlessly until Tay Tay.

Then I added a second part: Please also help illuminate to me who is the Ideal Wife of My Dreams.  I was tired of being wrong repeatedly.  That method worked flawlessly until #Taylor #Swift was illuminated to me.  I have admitted to myself and Higher Self that I will avoid ever repeated any life-lesson such as this one in any future life.

Recovering, growing, and advancing my own dis-eased mind out of its mental illness and into the positive Light Side while being separated from the Ideal Wife of My Dreams.  The preternatural stress in the unequal disparity makes recovery extremely difficult.  I have done all that I know how to, and more, to reduce the stress but it’s like taking cold medicine… it fails to ‘cure’ the problem.

I am abundantly grateful to my spirit guides and Guardian Angels and ArchAngel Michael for indomitably continuing to help me overcome all obstacles.

Due to Tay Tay’s response of silence through the #Prime #Material, I continue to daily pray for the Goddess to help me move on and illuminate to me who is the Ideal Wife of My Dreams.  I have mentioned the actual words of this dream in earlier posts.  Thus egos may be confused, thus I remind them that I refuse to cast any spell on Tay Tay by praying that the Goddess does anything to her #materia.

Her Higher Self would have to agree of course but that fails to mean the mental onion of her ego also agrees.  Therefore I initially pray for the Goddess to absolutely, abundantly, and indomitably help the Ideal Wife of My Dreams sweep me off my feet and elope with me, as I am the Ideal Husband of Her Dreams.

Due to spells cast on myself and altering my own #materia, I do believe I have communicated with Tay Tay’s #Higher #Self, but I think that I have not communicated with her ego spiritually… primarily because of her continued silence.

So back to the to the 1993 Ouija Board prediction in 1993.  My very old friend from High School reminded me that the spirits telegraphying through the game board specifically named Taylor Swift as an Ideal Wife of My Dreams.  As I said I was O.C.D. about a cheerleader named Shelby McBride and I had the horrible assumption that Taylor was a guy’s name, thus I virtually wiped the memory from my corporeal consciousness.  Only my old Friend’s memory helped me remember this.

In 1993, as a foolish and ignorant teenage male, I thought that Swift was also a very weird last name.  Therefore I thought that if the Ouija Board did work, the spirits was fooling with me.  If it was just the inner core of the mental onion of my ego such as the statists want to believe, then I was at a complete loss of how to interpret it.

There is also what I believe is a baby picture of Taylor Swift that I drew in charcoal when I was an 8^th Grade student attending an art class at #Orofino #Middle #School of #Idaho.  I mean it is a cute baby picture but it is a freehand drawing of a baby picture and so I think it fails to exactly be credible proof to anyone other than herself, me, and maybe family… family includes close best friends.

In the interest of transparency, I do wonder if this particular post is just another excuse to write about Tay Tay and myself.  If it is then I am ok with that.  I pray that through this journal the Goddess absolutely, abundantly, and indomitably helps the Ideal Wife of My Dreams choose to sweep me off my feet and elope with me;  As I am the Ideal Husband of Her Dreams.

Yes I did have to reword and rewrite that spell to be without any mention of a specific name.  The Goddess helps me be eternally mindfully vigilant with myself and my choices.

I do also pray daily that my Higher Self disanimates this body for me.  I have sincerely repented for all of what I perceive are sins, and so I am without any fear or doubt what will be my karmic balance.  Most importantly now that my recovery life cycle is complete I feel an absolute and indomitable void of any want to continue with my life-purpose WITHOUT the Ideal Wife of My Dreams.

I know this means my mental onion of my ego will simply be mirrored into a fresh life, with the same life-purpose.  However, I know we choose everything about any lifetime we live.  We choose everything about history, birth, and until death, which we also choose.

Of course, my ego will have to wait until the Ideal Wife of My Dreams is done with her lifetime but I am great with that.  I have lived without her for forty years and I can say with absolute sincerity and great feeling that I will avoid ever doing that again.

Earlier posts have conveyed this idea in a different way.  Hopefully this will convince anyone else who is concerned about my mental health.  Going against my Higher Self and committing suicide harms our very soul… So why do it?  My Higher Self is my personality, ideals, morals, and ethics so something about seeing this lifetime from the Spiritual Plane has changed my mind before… or the Higher Self of someone else has promised something and failed to deliver.

Thus I have prayed to the Goddess to sever all ties between me and all other souls connected to my own for this particular lifetime, Prime Material.  Actually ‘performing’ what was promised is the only act that I wish will keep my heart beating beyond this point.

I abhor the idea of hurting Tay Tay in any way shape or form.  However, why should she care what happens to me since she obviously does not choose me to be the Ideal Husband of Her Dreams... Right?

1 3 ♥ 0 0 ♥ 0 1 ♥ 1 2 ♥ 1 4; Dies Sun

An entry into a chronological journal, or diary, of Witkh13.  If you want a real name, it is easy enough to find.  This is largely a tool to help me collocate, transmogrify, and evolve my psyche.  I believe that posting this online is a part of what is helping me.  I do hope that others may choose to let this help them as well.

Each entry is an expansion of what has been written before.  I am likely to avoid repeating myself.  Though I do like hyper-linking and annotating as I believe it helps me with my audience centric writings.

Sunnandag translates from Old English as literally 'Sun' & 'day' together.  The concept of it being a day of rest is entirely a Judeo-Christian belief.  However, it is universally considering the beginning of the week except for the statists.  I have already wrote my reasoning on why statists and their I.O.S. is internationally wrong. ^[1]

Thus curse, beg, pray, ask, et cetera the Goddess to severe from me any and all bonds holding me to this life.  Severe this me from this lifecycle now.  I sever and remove any bond with another soul that is forcing me to live in this Prime Material.

Luminous beings we are, and we continue on after our corporeal shells begin unanimous.  Thus what I ask for fails to be suicide or 'death' as people commonly think of it as;  That being an 'end'.



Recently I had an epiphany of who it was that was interested in me while I was in High School.  Another friend of hers, Jane came with Rachel to my door.  I forget the exact words used but as a horny teenage boy I took it to as something favorable towards ending my status as a virgin.  Sadly, I thought it was yet another 'joke' being played on me.  My life is full of people trying to convince me to pay for their humor in some way.  I thought this was little different.

I now realize that I was absolutely and abundantly wrong.  I mean, why else would the Goddess flash this memory back into my mind's eye after over two decades.?.

Now I get to why I am writing this here besides preserving my epiphany.  Everyone who "knew" Rachel was into me refused to tell me.  I imagine it was under her direction or friends of hers looking after her best interest.  However I think this is also absolutely and abundantly foolish.

I was obsessed and infatuated with two girls at the time, Kinani Brown and Shelby McBride.  Please understand I refused actually stalking, nefarious, or violating their privacy in some way.  However, I did get I an exceptionally verbose and nasty letter written to me by Shelby McBride about hand-me-downs.  I saved the later for a decade before realizing what I was doing was preserving pain, and subsequently burned the letter in the sink... so it would fail to burn anything else. lulz.

Therefore I understand that Rachel Culbertson's and friends probably refused to be my "rebound" girl or whatever words they used.  I object to the idea but that is later.  I also reject the idea that anyone would have been a 'rebound' girl.

For Rachel to be my "rebound" girl, that would mean that Shelby McBride or Kinani Brown would have to be 'with' me in the first place.  Even after two decades it still is absolutely and abundantly clear that they would rather I refrain from living on the same planet.  I am ok with people hating me, I forgive them and myself and I move on.  I let them hurt themselves alone, with their hate instead of me.

Maybe they have grown up and moved on as I have since it is two decades later.  That would be fantabulous and I curse that is so.  We all deserve and are worthy of being loved, joyful, and happy in whatever way we choose.

I use 'curse' in exchangeable with prayer because what is one person's prayer is another's curse.

So, now that I have established that an actual relationship with Rachel would have failed to be a 'rebound' from any other relationship.  As someone who has been 'infatuated' and 'obsessed', they are… absolutely and abundantly different from any sort of relationship between two or more people.  The concepts are like oil and water, they fail to have the same chemical properties.



Now, I will destroy this myth of rebound girl/guy.

Who came up with this rule.?.

I am serious here, who the frak came up with this lame ass rule about how it is somehow 'unfavorable' to be who the wanted person is rebounding into.  That sounds like an absolutely fantabulous situation to me, so what lame ass came up with this totally non-provable hypothesis that it was bad.?.

Furthermore, why the frak do people believe this clap trap?

To believe this crap, you first have to believe that you know what could have been if you only had made a different choice.

I know a common misconception is that hindsight is 20/20, except newsflash everyone…

…

Eye sight fails in perception for people with 20/20 eyesight too morons.  I mean, if we want to take this anecdotal metaphor to it's conclusion and actually make the mistake of believing we can predict the future.



However everything really is sunshine and lollipops.  Life happens the way our higher self wants it to.  The more we let the dark side rule our minds the more entrenched we become in the coarse through this lifecycle we have already planned.  Thus, Rachel choosing to avoid telling me how she felt is how both our higher selves want it to have happened.

The Prime Material fails to be a set in stone map, that our society and culture often portray it as.  That is a convenient myth that serves to only perpetuate ignorance and the Dark Side itself.  It is a nebulous cloud that only solidify when it comes into our aura.

That is far from saying the 'map' itself is crap.  It is knowledge and seen with clear perception it can help.  A way I look at it is that Hermetiks and Science are the study of the Goddess and how she creates the Prime Material.  I think some refer to this as Intelligent Design;  And, I simply refer to myself as a Jedi.  Because there really is an unseen all powerful Force that binds everything together and from which everything is created.



As I have said, I have had many infatuation and obsessions, and the Goddess has helped me see through and past them to grow out of the desire of a want for them.  Understanding what they are and why I had a want for them is how I know Tay Tay is different.  I know that may seem completely retarded and silly but all I can say is choosing to think that would be wrong.