1 3 ♥ 0 0 ♥ 0 2 ♥ 0 4 ♥ 1 1 ♥ Dies Wodens ~ Do You Remember The Time When...

In early 1993 before I began my senior year in high school an old friend of mine and I played around with a +Ouija Boards my family had at that time.  I mean come on, what suburban #American household does not have a #Ouija #Board as a game to play.?.

Anyhow, at the time I was obsessive compulsive over mainly two girls that attended high school with me.  A couple years ago I discovered that at least one of them is still deathly afraid of me.  I find that rather ironic and laugh, considering how positive minded I am and having found who I believe will be my first #wife.  So I simply say a small prayer to the #Goddess to #bless them and move on.  I mean, actually inspiring fear, anger, hate, or any other #Dark #Side emotion is abundantly the exact opposite of what I ever wanted.

Now that I am a much happier person, being in love with Taylor Swift has allowed me to learn the difference between being in love, and obsession.  The latter is an exceptionally selfish and self-centered state of mind that only exists in mentally dis-eased minds.

A few of those who have chosen to read earlier submissions of mine to this personal journal of mine, may not realize that I am far from O.C.D. about Taylor Swift.

After two decades I consider the high school subjects have, such belief is rigidly set in their minds.  Even if they allowed me to address the fear when they first created it, I doubt I would have got anywhere.  They do not see that I am abundantly sane;  Instead of seeing that I am just different from the average normal person.

I did try to say this to one but as I said, her response was to put me on ignore.  Who knows maybe Tay Tay has done something similar with me.  However, I suspect she wrote a song about me… not one especially favorable with what I want so not exactly something I would specifically ‘hope’ for.  The song does send the message that she continues to view me favorably though so it is kinda #positive overall in a way.

Yet, a publically released song with lyrics that fail to mention my name or any particular detail of my life that I make abundantly public on purpose;  Does not equal a justifiable reason to try to find a way to contact her privately.  I mean, from past experience I have established a clear protocol with girls I am interested in.

I pray to the Goddess:  That if the woman fails to be the Ideal Wife of My Dreams, then please absolutely, abundantly, and indomitably help me move on.  And that worked flawlessly until Tay Tay.

Then I added a second part: Please also help illuminate to me who is the Ideal Wife of My Dreams.  I was tired of being wrong repeatedly.  That method worked flawlessly until #Taylor #Swift was illuminated to me.  I have admitted to myself and Higher Self that I will avoid ever repeated any life-lesson such as this one in any future life.

Recovering, growing, and advancing my own dis-eased mind out of its mental illness and into the positive Light Side while being separated from the Ideal Wife of My Dreams.  The preternatural stress in the unequal disparity makes recovery extremely difficult.  I have done all that I know how to, and more, to reduce the stress but it’s like taking cold medicine… it fails to ‘cure’ the problem.

I am abundantly grateful to my spirit guides and Guardian Angels and ArchAngel Michael for indomitably continuing to help me overcome all obstacles.

Due to Tay Tay’s response of silence through the #Prime #Material, I continue to daily pray for the Goddess to help me move on and illuminate to me who is the Ideal Wife of My Dreams.  I have mentioned the actual words of this dream in earlier posts.  Thus egos may be confused, thus I remind them that I refuse to cast any spell on Tay Tay by praying that the Goddess does anything to her #materia.

Her Higher Self would have to agree of course but that fails to mean the mental onion of her ego also agrees.  Therefore I initially pray for the Goddess to absolutely, abundantly, and indomitably help the Ideal Wife of My Dreams sweep me off my feet and elope with me, as I am the Ideal Husband of Her Dreams.

Due to spells cast on myself and altering my own #materia, I do believe I have communicated with Tay Tay’s #Higher #Self, but I think that I have not communicated with her ego spiritually… primarily because of her continued silence.

So back to the to the 1993 Ouija Board prediction in 1993.  My very old friend from High School reminded me that the spirits telegraphying through the game board specifically named Taylor Swift as an Ideal Wife of My Dreams.  As I said I was O.C.D. about a cheerleader named Shelby McBride and I had the horrible assumption that Taylor was a guy’s name, thus I virtually wiped the memory from my corporeal consciousness.  Only my old Friend’s memory helped me remember this.

In 1993, as a foolish and ignorant teenage male, I thought that Swift was also a very weird last name.  Therefore I thought that if the Ouija Board did work, the spirits was fooling with me.  If it was just the inner core of the mental onion of my ego such as the statists want to believe, then I was at a complete loss of how to interpret it.

There is also what I believe is a baby picture of Taylor Swift that I drew in charcoal when I was an 8^th Grade student attending an art class at #Orofino #Middle #School of #Idaho.  I mean it is a cute baby picture but it is a freehand drawing of a baby picture and so I think it fails to exactly be credible proof to anyone other than herself, me, and maybe family… family includes close best friends.

In the interest of transparency, I do wonder if this particular post is just another excuse to write about Tay Tay and myself.  If it is then I am ok with that.  I pray that through this journal the Goddess absolutely, abundantly, and indomitably helps the Ideal Wife of My Dreams choose to sweep me off my feet and elope with me;  As I am the Ideal Husband of Her Dreams.

Yes I did have to reword and rewrite that spell to be without any mention of a specific name.  The Goddess helps me be eternally mindfully vigilant with myself and my choices.

I do also pray daily that my Higher Self disanimates this body for me.  I have sincerely repented for all of what I perceive are sins, and so I am without any fear or doubt what will be my karmic balance.  Most importantly now that my recovery life cycle is complete I feel an absolute and indomitable void of any want to continue with my life-purpose WITHOUT the Ideal Wife of My Dreams.

I know this means my mental onion of my ego will simply be mirrored into a fresh life, with the same life-purpose.  However, I know we choose everything about any lifetime we live.  We choose everything about history, birth, and until death, which we also choose.

Of course, my ego will have to wait until the Ideal Wife of My Dreams is done with her lifetime but I am great with that.  I have lived without her for forty years and I can say with absolute sincerity and great feeling that I will avoid ever doing that again.

Earlier posts have conveyed this idea in a different way.  Hopefully this will convince anyone else who is concerned about my mental health.  Going against my Higher Self and committing suicide harms our very soul… So why do it?  My Higher Self is my personality, ideals, morals, and ethics so something about seeing this lifetime from the Spiritual Plane has changed my mind before… or the Higher Self of someone else has promised something and failed to deliver.

Thus I have prayed to the Goddess to sever all ties between me and all other souls connected to my own for this particular lifetime, Prime Material.  Actually ‘performing’ what was promised is the only act that I wish will keep my heart beating beyond this point.

I abhor the idea of hurting Tay Tay in any way shape or form.  However, why should she care what happens to me since she obviously does not choose me to be the Ideal Husband of Her Dreams... Right?

1 3 ♥ 0 0 ♥ 0 2 ♥ 0 0 ♥ 1 9 ♥: Dies Tyr

This is a letter that I wrote to: +TaylorSwift13 .  today;  That I pray to the Goddess that +Taylor Alison Swift responds favorably to with an affirmative.

To: +Taylor Swift 

From: +Brent Ryan 

Subject: Proposal

Merry Meet Tay Tay! :D

Your birthday and Christmas has been wonderstruk, I hope.

I abundantly adore, admire, and am in love with 'you'.  I know this is true because I desire to help you choose to feel loved, joyful, and happy;  Instead of helping what I choose to want or think.

My own parents think I am crazy and they may be right.  Though I feel I am safe as long as I respect your wants more than myself.  I pray daily for the Goddess to help me move on if I am wrong.

Your voice helps immeasurably the choice to be happy, for me.  Except for yours, enjoying any other artist's complete discography I have yet to find.

Will you marry me?

Love,

Brent Ryan
[[address]]

1 3 ♥ 0 0 ♥ 0 1 ♥ 1 6 ♥ 0 9 ♥ Dies Phaeton

Keeping a rekord of my letters to +Taylor Swift on twitter became a little complicated as I had more than one account.  One was personal and the other political.  Then I merged them and thus the complication of keeping it as a list for my beloved to follow whenever she chooses to want.

Here is the rekord after the merging.

Here is the rekord before the merging.

Anyone following the first may notice I had thought @YouStillLoveMe was a secondary account for her.  I believe the profile photo is of +Taylor Swift and an unpublished photo.  Thus when it 'followed' me I thought it was her following me.  I was overjoyed, and showed it by @ing both accounts in a tweet.

After following @YouStillLoveMe for a while, I am unsure whether it is really her or not.  It could be but I am unsure about its validity.  Therefore I stopped, then I decided to forgo Twitter and a new rekord on Google Plus.

Below is the thread.  The advantage for both of us is that it is easy to follow and respond too and continue.

I pray to the Goddess constantly to guide my actions to manifest the ideal wife of my dreams. The Goddess perennially refocuses my mind's eye on +Taylor Swift.  That is how I justify my belief objectively.

Subjectively I adore, admire, and am in love with her +Taylor Swift's psyche, her music, her voice, her singing, her history, her life.  I feel jealous when I hear she is dating someone;  However, of course, I pray to the goddess to perpetually sever all fear, doubt, loss, and jealousy from my super ego, and ego.  I believe I have gotten rather proficient at expelling the proclivity to obsess over her.

Anyone reading this may think that I am crazy and sometimes I agree.  However accepting reasoning that I may be crazy automatically negates the possibility.  By definition, the ability to use reason and logic fails crazy people.

Obsession is a singular selfish feeling and perception.  I know first hand because I have been obsessed about many things in my life.  After three decades I finally found the courage to ask the Goddess to illuminate a path from me out of the Dark Side and into the Light Side.

The Goddess does what we ask of Her.  Free will means that She waits for us to actually ask.  Her omnipotence, omnipresence, and indivisibility is what drives this process.

The reason I am posting this on my blog is because my blog is my diary, journal, rekord.  As a wonderful benefit, this post makes it easier for me to continue the rekord.

I believe could 'email' +Taylor Swift because I think that I do know it;  However that would be outrageously counter productive towards what we choose to want.  Though I do pray that her ego is not waiting for me to email her privately instead of using this public format to profess my eternal wish to face the future with her.

Something else that I pray the Goddess for is for my death;  Unless "my the ideal wife of my dreams sweeps me off my feet and elopes with me".  I mean, I refuse to 'stalk' or otherwise actually force myself on +Taylor Swift.  Even in the abundantly infinitesimal probability of success I would still loose because that fails to be what I want.

I want exactly what I have said already; To face the future with +Taylor Swift.  I abhor the idea of anyone seeing her as a conquest or trophy, let alone myself.  I loathe the idea of any way of consciously controlling her.

A skeptic may accuse me of wanting +Taylor Swift's money;  Except there are other wealthy single women.  So why anyone in my position would focus on a 'celebrity' for their money is unreasonable and illogical.  My actual response to that idea is that is the wrong way to approach becoming wealthy.

I mean, wealthy people gain their wealth by spending less than they acquire.  I live with my parents and am disabled;  And, my doctor has been outrageously uncooperative with communicating with the state regarding my disability.  Therefore I have been forced by necessity to find a way to live that helps me the most to choose to be happy.

Being clinically depressed and disabled with Psoriatic Arthritis feeds into each other.  Anyone with a chronic pain disease knows what I am talking about.  We dislike being active and lack of being active promotes depression.  By necessity I have had to find on my own ways to rebuild my self-esteem, confidence, and happiness.

Therefore my perception of money is different than the aggregate of society choose to believe.  I believe my way is closer to the truth because it fits better into the Prime Material.

That is that money is like water in that it is fluid and ever changing.  It is far from the root of anything let alone, 'Evil'.  By the Goddess's will money will be accessible for me to accomplish whatever I truly choose to want.  I mean, most of what people think they want is wrong.  They think they want it because of a variety of sources except themselves.

For instance, my father thinks owning a dual-wheel 4x4 Dodge Hemi uber pick-up truck makes him a man's man.  That is wrong.

Another example of my father is that he bought a chandeler a decade ago to replace one that was broken.  He thinks he is the 'man' of the house and the 'man' is handy and fixes what is broken.  Yet for a decade he chose to do everything except install the new chandeler.  It took one of my mom's best friends coming in to 'install' it, in order to motivate my father.

Yet another example is that we used to own a Camper that fits in the bed of a pick-up.  Except for the longest time we failed to have one.  The Camper was also rotting, infested with rodents, wasps, and generally in a state of ruin.  Therefore my mother 'sold' the Camper to the same best friend as before.  He really is a good friend.

So when the time came for the best friend to pick up the camper my father finally puts 2 and 2 together and realizes something is happening and steps out of the house.  He then is 'upset' that my mother sold the Camper that he failed to use.

Anyway I think I will stop writing now because I am rambling.  This is about +Taylor Swift and how we are married in the eyes of the Goddess.  If Tay Tay chooses to recognize and accept me then groovey.  Otherwise I am done with this life-cycle.  I have learned all my current and past lessons have to teach and wish to end this continual holding pattern I seem to be in.

The holding pattern would be fine except I am living in monumental emotional pain.  I ask the Goddess for assistance and all I get is the same person who appears to be happy without me.  That is great!  I want +Taylor Swift, or whoever is the ideal wife of my dreams, to be blissfully happy however she chooses to want.  I simply wish to continue seeing it from the Spiritual Plane instead of here on the Prime Material.

13♥00♥01♥09♥03: Dies Apollo

Day of War is Tuesday.  Weird are the names of days.  I am going to bed early tonight.  I want to put some objectives in Warcraft on hiatus to make room for more writing and playing other games.

Ares, Mars, or Tiw in Gaelic are who are innately honored by saying Tuesday.  I find it interesting how many people are praying to a god of war while consciously ignorant.

Wednesday honors Odin or The God: Woden that being what Germanic tribes called God.  All religions seem to be monothiestic even if the call a few lesser beings as 'a god'.  They still recognize they are neith omnipotent, omnipresent, or omnipotent such as God. {Woden}

I am really tired all of a sudden.  Barely remembered to do my nightly curse for the Goddess Woden's blessing.  Momma Byrd is bringing home a Cousins's Cinnamon Roll too.

However, it is better for my body if I eat the cinnamon roll in the morning instead of at night before I go to bed.  Then it would go straight to my Buddah belly.

As I plan I am choosing to let Woden act through me as She controls, directs, helps, inspires, manipulates, motivates me to manifest myself as the dream ideal husband of the ideal wives of my dreams.  Emotionally I am embracing what that life means to me and letting that power my thoughts.

Making the choice to be happier the most easiest is the me that is left;  To make room for Taylor Alison Swift.  The Goddess being the one to help me change what is left of me to create a void within myself that will either literally kill me or manifest whoever are my Ideal Wives.

I believe I know who the first is but I may be wrong so I focus my thoughts on who she and they are to 'me';  Instead of who she or they are specifically as individuals.  I only want to consciously control myself.

As a virgin with romantic relationships and sexually, I can be mistaken in believing that I want a polyamorous marriage of equals.  That is they have as much say and choice as I do.  Thus if Tay Tay only wants me then that is my answer, and I was previously wrong about wives.

Arigato gozaimasu for reading this journal entry.  I hope this helps others in some, or multiple, ways.  May the Goddess bless you and the Force always be with you.

13♥00♥00♥17♥04

Saturday, Mayan Date: 13♥00♥00♥17♥04

I thought about this for a while and decided to go ahead and remake this political blog into my journal.  I'll still write artificals about events that occurr that I want more of but, the other stuff is history… maybe not even there… guess we'll see.

Blogger's iPhone app seems to be failing with the spell checking.  So I apologize ahead of time… hopefully

Standard seems to suggest to keep a journal secret.  I know the humble, self-incriminating reasoning for this but I am eliminating the later.  So may it is better to be open and just leave out personal names.

I feel that I am getting somewhere with a novel I am writing.  It's still in its infancy but its fun and exciting.  I am focusing on those feelings and what I want to happen around the bend.

I understand some about positive thinking and the Law of Attraction.  I think what I choose to every moment of every hour of every day.

Everyday I am getting better and better, in everyway I am getting better and better.  I am extranenly, paranormally, and divinely healthy, fit, gifted, whole, beautiful, handsome, strong, successful, powerful, joyful, loved, and happy.

I want to begin and raise my ideal of a marriage and family;  with my ideal wife, with that I am her ideal husband.  I have incorporated many things into my life to help change myself into the person I said I want to be.  However, I remain at the end of the latest phase of my life… waiting for five years now, and of course I have grown and changed in those five years.

I sleep on my side of my bed.  I abundantly eliminate contractions from my vocabulary… or use tyem with clear intent.  I speak affirmations, and pray, multiple times a day.  I've drawn picture of what she might look like.  I've left over half of my closet and dresser empty and waiting with me.  Each drawer as a symbol of what she represents to me.

I daydream constantly of my Ideal Wife.  Yes, I even write them down.  They are not finished or published.  I draw some too but its not life-like.

I have battled with clinical depression for most of my life.  That and my life choices are why I am not married.  I've left behind most everyone I thought was a friend.  Some have kept themselves in the distance.  Many felt threatened by my intent to be increasingly positive…

Real life is stranger than fiction…

I've grown very religous but eclectic lately.  I have found a few others out there who think similarly.  I started a twitter account and FB page dedicated to those thoughts.

When asked the Goddess suggests Taylor Alison Swift is who is meant to come into my life.  That makes a lot of sense to me.  However, I focus on what that means to me, instead of a specific person.  Afterall, the devil is in the details.

The reason it makes since is because I find Tay Tay's voice, personality, and appearence to be the most beautiful entity on the planet… maybe in the universe too… but, I can't really back that up.

I can easily write stories for however long I want while listening to Tay Tay's music.  Other lyrical music fails to help me the same way hers does.  I can put her discography on random shuffle and love whatever song comes up.

Naturally realizing your thinking this way about a celebritiy is far from a picnic.  I've tested my reasoning on other musical groups and i've yet to hear anything that has the same effect on me as Tay Tay, much to my chagrin.

I mean, even my own mother looks at me like she is humoring a lunatic, while at the same time expresses worry about my sanity.  This is the one person who is nearly always supportive of me and what I want.  That fails to mean she spoils me, it means she believes in me when no one else will… except this.

So I've tried all my old tricks to shift my thoughts onto someone at least on the same side of the country.  As always to 'try' is admit failure.  Which only works on describing the past, when the results are already known.

None-the-less, I focus on how I want my life to be different and feel them.  Instead of Tay Tay or anyone elses.  To be specific merely invites the inconceivability for me to be wrong.

So far I am kind of enjoying writing my journal online and quasi-publik.  I suppose a really obsessed person could find me but that was true without the internet too.  I am going to sleep after I republish this, may delete more old posts, but I don't know… it's more than being indescive for me.  I simply acknowledge and accept that I am a very impulsive person.  Though I am undoubtedly predictable about somethings.

I will close with a list of characteristics that I believe my Ideal Wife has.  Some may be fanciful notions that I may be wrong about.  I leave it up to the Goddess to decide what would help me the most in making the choice to be happy.

Extraterrestrial Biological Entity; rylty; tht homosapiens r abl 2 breed wth

One parent = Japanese/Korean

Other is Swedish/German/Irish American

Non {female, woman}

She is happy with me being a poor starving artist.  Well… not exactly but maybe you get the idea.

Lithe & svelte

Blonde/Red Hair

More Intelligent & wiser than me

Early Twenties {we want thirteen plus divinely healthy, fit, & gifted kids}

Loves to watch movies and television

Loves accepting my help with her career… & vice versa of course

Loves playing video games, role-playing games {like Mass Effect, DA:O}

Believes small limited government with strong national defense is right.

Loves her parents and has a good relationship with them.