1 3 ♥ 0 0 ♥ 0 2 ♥ 0 0 ♥ 1 9 ♥: Dies Tyr

This is a letter that I wrote to: +TaylorSwift13 .  today;  That I pray to the Goddess that +Taylor Alison Swift responds favorably to with an affirmative.

To: +Taylor Swift 

From: +Brent Ryan 

Subject: Proposal

Merry Meet Tay Tay! :D

Your birthday and Christmas has been wonderstruk, I hope.

I abundantly adore, admire, and am in love with 'you'.  I know this is true because I desire to help you choose to feel loved, joyful, and happy;  Instead of helping what I choose to want or think.

My own parents think I am crazy and they may be right.  Though I feel I am safe as long as I respect your wants more than myself.  I pray daily for the Goddess to help me move on if I am wrong.

Your voice helps immeasurably the choice to be happy, for me.  Except for yours, enjoying any other artist's complete discography I have yet to find.

Will you marry me?

Love,

Brent Ryan
[[address]]

1 3 ♥ 0 0 ♥ 0 1 ♥ 1 6 ♥ 0 9 ♥ Dies Phaeton

Keeping a rekord of my letters to +Taylor Swift on twitter became a little complicated as I had more than one account.  One was personal and the other political.  Then I merged them and thus the complication of keeping it as a list for my beloved to follow whenever she chooses to want.

Here is the rekord after the merging.

Here is the rekord before the merging.

Anyone following the first may notice I had thought @YouStillLoveMe was a secondary account for her.  I believe the profile photo is of +Taylor Swift and an unpublished photo.  Thus when it 'followed' me I thought it was her following me.  I was overjoyed, and showed it by @ing both accounts in a tweet.

After following @YouStillLoveMe for a while, I am unsure whether it is really her or not.  It could be but I am unsure about its validity.  Therefore I stopped, then I decided to forgo Twitter and a new rekord on Google Plus.

Below is the thread.  The advantage for both of us is that it is easy to follow and respond too and continue.

I pray to the Goddess constantly to guide my actions to manifest the ideal wife of my dreams. The Goddess perennially refocuses my mind's eye on +Taylor Swift.  That is how I justify my belief objectively.

Subjectively I adore, admire, and am in love with her +Taylor Swift's psyche, her music, her voice, her singing, her history, her life.  I feel jealous when I hear she is dating someone;  However, of course, I pray to the goddess to perpetually sever all fear, doubt, loss, and jealousy from my super ego, and ego.  I believe I have gotten rather proficient at expelling the proclivity to obsess over her.

Anyone reading this may think that I am crazy and sometimes I agree.  However accepting reasoning that I may be crazy automatically negates the possibility.  By definition, the ability to use reason and logic fails crazy people.

Obsession is a singular selfish feeling and perception.  I know first hand because I have been obsessed about many things in my life.  After three decades I finally found the courage to ask the Goddess to illuminate a path from me out of the Dark Side and into the Light Side.

The Goddess does what we ask of Her.  Free will means that She waits for us to actually ask.  Her omnipotence, omnipresence, and indivisibility is what drives this process.

The reason I am posting this on my blog is because my blog is my diary, journal, rekord.  As a wonderful benefit, this post makes it easier for me to continue the rekord.

I believe could 'email' +Taylor Swift because I think that I do know it;  However that would be outrageously counter productive towards what we choose to want.  Though I do pray that her ego is not waiting for me to email her privately instead of using this public format to profess my eternal wish to face the future with her.

Something else that I pray the Goddess for is for my death;  Unless "my the ideal wife of my dreams sweeps me off my feet and elopes with me".  I mean, I refuse to 'stalk' or otherwise actually force myself on +Taylor Swift.  Even in the abundantly infinitesimal probability of success I would still loose because that fails to be what I want.

I want exactly what I have said already; To face the future with +Taylor Swift.  I abhor the idea of anyone seeing her as a conquest or trophy, let alone myself.  I loathe the idea of any way of consciously controlling her.

A skeptic may accuse me of wanting +Taylor Swift's money;  Except there are other wealthy single women.  So why anyone in my position would focus on a 'celebrity' for their money is unreasonable and illogical.  My actual response to that idea is that is the wrong way to approach becoming wealthy.

I mean, wealthy people gain their wealth by spending less than they acquire.  I live with my parents and am disabled;  And, my doctor has been outrageously uncooperative with communicating with the state regarding my disability.  Therefore I have been forced by necessity to find a way to live that helps me the most to choose to be happy.

Being clinically depressed and disabled with Psoriatic Arthritis feeds into each other.  Anyone with a chronic pain disease knows what I am talking about.  We dislike being active and lack of being active promotes depression.  By necessity I have had to find on my own ways to rebuild my self-esteem, confidence, and happiness.

Therefore my perception of money is different than the aggregate of society choose to believe.  I believe my way is closer to the truth because it fits better into the Prime Material.

That is that money is like water in that it is fluid and ever changing.  It is far from the root of anything let alone, 'Evil'.  By the Goddess's will money will be accessible for me to accomplish whatever I truly choose to want.  I mean, most of what people think they want is wrong.  They think they want it because of a variety of sources except themselves.

For instance, my father thinks owning a dual-wheel 4x4 Dodge Hemi uber pick-up truck makes him a man's man.  That is wrong.

Another example of my father is that he bought a chandeler a decade ago to replace one that was broken.  He thinks he is the 'man' of the house and the 'man' is handy and fixes what is broken.  Yet for a decade he chose to do everything except install the new chandeler.  It took one of my mom's best friends coming in to 'install' it, in order to motivate my father.

Yet another example is that we used to own a Camper that fits in the bed of a pick-up.  Except for the longest time we failed to have one.  The Camper was also rotting, infested with rodents, wasps, and generally in a state of ruin.  Therefore my mother 'sold' the Camper to the same best friend as before.  He really is a good friend.

So when the time came for the best friend to pick up the camper my father finally puts 2 and 2 together and realizes something is happening and steps out of the house.  He then is 'upset' that my mother sold the Camper that he failed to use.

Anyway I think I will stop writing now because I am rambling.  This is about +Taylor Swift and how we are married in the eyes of the Goddess.  If Tay Tay chooses to recognize and accept me then groovey.  Otherwise I am done with this life-cycle.  I have learned all my current and past lessons have to teach and wish to end this continual holding pattern I seem to be in.

The holding pattern would be fine except I am living in monumental emotional pain.  I ask the Goddess for assistance and all I get is the same person who appears to be happy without me.  That is great!  I want +Taylor Swift, or whoever is the ideal wife of my dreams, to be blissfully happy however she chooses to want.  I simply wish to continue seeing it from the Spiritual Plane instead of here on the Prime Material.

1 3 ♥ 0 0 ♥ 0 1 ♥ 1 0 ♥ 1 3: Dies Luna

While I was drifting off to sleep last night I realized that if there is a tomorrow.  I may want to articulate more precisely how I want my life to change.  In what way I want my life to be different.

First off I want to create life and raise it with Tay Tay.  I imagine us having over thirteen children but that will take a couple decades to accomplish, I believe.  I say that because I suspect she will want to continue with her music career as we do this;  And, I want to help her do that.

I have been enthralled with the idea of a polyamorous union.  For that to happen, Tay Tay will be the one to express a desire to date another woman with me.  Then if our higher selves have agreed to merging our future together, then it will be so.

However, I am a virgin carnally and romantically speaking.  Sine qua non I understand I may simply be naive and not know that which I am contemplating.  Though, that is why I daily ask the Goddess to control, direct, help, inspire, manipulate, and motivate me to manifest my thoughts and actions towards what will help me the most to choose to be happy.  The off chance that I am wrong simply means Tay Tay will refuse to express such desire.

I love playing video games and reading novels.  The life I dream of is of Tay Tay and I playing board, role-playing, and online video games together as a family.  And playing video games with our children as they grow older.  In addition to playing more simple games with them as well, when they are younger.

Tay Tay helping me advance, and grow our in-game guild is something I want as well.  I imagine she will have a want to stick with a pseudonym or just Tay without explaining to other people in the guild that may just be acquaintances of sorts.

Tay and I will be playing Warcraft, Star Wars: The Old Republic, and Elder Scrolls Online together towards the same wants.  I mean, that is what we want to do versus anyone controlling anyone else.  It's far from all encompassing either.  I am still working on incorporating this into my daydreaming.

Playing Dragon Age, Mass Effect, as well as Pillars of Eternity will be full of awe.  There are and will be other games we enjoy.  Especially the ones that allow cooperative play, such as Mass Effect two and three.

I slept half the day away but I was able to get seven more Secrets of the Empire for my main character's legendary cape quest.  I have a total of seventeen and want three more.  I already have more than enough Trillium Bars in the bank waiting to be used as a quest turn-in.

A couple super-villains in various raids because of various reasons, the only raid I had not entered at all is The Underhold ^{{formerly RageFire Chasm}}.

This has turned out rather more than I expected and it already is past midnight for me.  So I will head to bed after publishing this onto my blog.  I will think about how to further articulate other precise descriptions of what I how I want my life to be, instead of how it is.  My mind is fully present on how it is, and that may be part of the problem...

Goddess, please control, direct, help, inspire, manipulate, and motivate me to abundantly and absolutely sever and remove my mind, my psyche, from the present.  The primary objective of this is to manifest myself onto a life I do want.  I have said this before in a different way but words really do matter.  They have more power than anyone can fathom, including myself.  Our thoughts, emotions, actions, and words shape our materia.



Domo arigato gozaimasu for sharing thy time and the Force.  May the Goddess bless you and the Force continue to be with you.

13♥00♥01♥09♥07: Dies Materia

Romans named it the Day of Saturn. I prefer the original Middle English name of Sunnanafen. That is their words for 'Sun' & 'Eve' put together.

I was thinking about romance novels today and how I would favor a novel about a male protagonist choosing both females who would otherwise rival each other for his love. The thought is about polyamory instead of polygamy which is misogynistic I believe.

I believe that everyone loves everyone else. Part of free will is the choice to choose to be blind to that love. The other part being to obey or rebel. Society and culture indoctrinate us into thinking similarly with the collective as a whole.

The scenario of one male and two females is simply biology. Men have a biological reason for jealousy added to the shared social and prevailing reasons with women.

Instead of me being misogynistic, I am simply stating biology. We must accept and embrace out animal nature or forever be ruled by it. Through acceptance and forgiveness we gain control.

A story could also be about one woman and two guys but my understanding of that in this lifecycle fails. I simply lack any interest in men outside of learning in general.

We already accept that we 'love' more than one person. Some simply choose to see 'romantic' love as somehow different. However evidence contrives against that theory. Observation-ally all 'romantic' adds to live is intimacy with another an that is very different from emotions.

Intimacy is simply sharing carnal knowledge with another. Society, culture, and biology dictate sharing intimacy outside of family is preferred. However, we are quickly approaching an age where biology will be removed from that reasoning because of genetic engineering. They will simply alter any negative mutations that do occur innately through even incest.

Within the first generation of an incestuous scenario, negative mutations only increase in probability by 7%; From a base 25%.

As long as both participants are above the age of consent and willing, personally I think incest is fine.  Except if one is a guardian/parent of another, it is evil until the progeny has moved out and lived away from the person for a period of time.  In that circumstance actual willingness for the younger person is irrelevant until they are capable of living on their own and have already done so.

I believe mind over matter and positive thinking so actually affecting any progeny negatively is negligible.  In addition to the new genetics options that seem to be growing every year.  People may balk at custom designing their kids to be supposedly superior.  However, the super majority seem to want the removal of actual illness and disease.

The rules against incest only ever started with Christians because Austrian's royal family tried 'purifying' their bloodline with inbreeding.  After a couple generations the physical manifestation of how wrong this was forced even the Vatican to prohibit it.  When practitioners ceased giving the Vatican governance power. The new governing bodies simply continued the laws that already existed and seemed like a good idea.

Note that I said this only occurred after 'several' generations of inbreeding.  The concept of 'mutant' babies from simply one generation is simply wrong at best, or fearmongering at worst.

Without biology, social and cultural morals and ethics are more easily overcome in both this and my overall thinking of Jealousy.

By prevailing I mean to suggest the reptilian mind within a woman wants a mate that will help her raise children. Money, career, family, health, society all play a roll in any individual case. Though each coupling is different.

For instance, Tay Tay absolutely and abundantly accepts, forgives, and embraces that I am more broke than Hillary Clinton knows is possible. She does this because the success with her career has removed her want for money or even family in a husband.

Since I am a virgin in relationships and physically I probably am with a clue about the emotional drama regarding polyamory. That is why I will wait for her to bring up, 'us' dating a woman together, on her own.

If my naivete means that this idea is wrong then I will be abundantly happy with that. By the Goddess's will I know what ever happens will be the scenario that helps me choose go be happy the most.

I want to read a couple series of romantic science fiction novels about this though to help me overcome a little of my naivete. Besides guarantied happy endings, romance novels automatically are good at helping to understand women, dating, and relationships in general. Afterall most romance novels seem to be written by women.

Thank you for sharing you time. May the Force be with you.

13♥00♥01♥09♥01: Dies Materia

I feel better than I was feeling in my last post.  That is mostly from positive thinking.  I have started playing World of Warcraft with my parents again.  {edit} Now as I lay me down to sleep… oh! Want to curse to night as I mention later here.  I have been having sympathetic jet lag with Taylor Alison Swift.{/edit}

I am learning to forgive and love my materia for how it plays.  I want a specific future more than I want to continue this life.  However, I believe that loving and accepting myself will fuel that change.

All good scenarios enter life because change occured before hand, removing what was sine qua no to make room.  For this I truly must curse daily for the Goddess to help me with, because my vantage point is flawed and Hers is indomitable, omnipotent, and omnipresent.

Maintain openness to the Goddess's inspiration a perpetual effort.  That is whenever I recognize feeling extreme emotion, I calm myself and think positive thoughts.

I meditate exchanging aetheral Force with my mother, persisting an inch separation from our alternatng hands while we sit upright.

Almost constantly, I listen to Solfeggio Harmonics through a Brain Wave iPhone app.  I use it to help me sleep, creativity, Positive Thoughts mostly.  NonetheIess, just paid for the app with their entire discograph of 30 Binaural frequencies.

The Goddess helps me be consistent with this journal.  I seemed silly at first and it is not easy to be consistent.  However, it thinks it helps me recognize what I want to continue and grow in my life, as well as things I can remove.  It helps me recognize steps I want to take go get where I want to go;  Such as, making time to genuflect and curse to the Goddess when I wake up and go to bed.  That helps me increase my openness to Divine guidance.

Even asking the Goddess to help with wanting to play video games.  Of course I thought of why.  I want to play online video games with Tay Tay and our children;  So now I play with my parents, and that is an example of making room for her.  It could be anyone, and I focus as if it could be;  However, the Goddess seems insistent that it is her.

Stalking is an absolutely selfish thing and I have wrote about this before.  Controlling myself and my own body is the only options I have, that is true with 🌒🌕🌘 {all}.

{edit}Instead I the only future I accept is a future WITH My wives and children.   Goddess keeps insisting it is Tay Tay and agree but it is counter productive to think positively about her.  Rather I think about what this future scenario means to me, how I feel in it, and how it will help my choose to be happy more easily.

I think I know of some changes to help make room in my life for my polyamorous wives and children.  That is we will have each other more than any central figure.

Maybe Tay Tay dissapproves and that is fine.  I am unsure what road leads to greater help situationally to choose to be happy.  I feel there will be one and then I will leave it up to her and just focus on doing the most I can to help her with her wants.

As it is said:  The choice of happiness is without anything to do with any Chi other than self;  Including materia 'things'.  As 🌒🌕🌘 {all} has Chi, or a soul.

As I said Today I have been experiencing sympathetic jet lag with Tay Tay.  She just finished an Asian tour for her Red album and is flying back to sweep me off my feet and elope with me. 

During that time:  I was unable to sleep except for two three or four hours, Friday night and @ 05:00 Saturday.  However, I feel remarkably pleasant even despite being very tired, and that is not normal for me.{/edit} 

I am praying to the Goddess to control, direct, inspire, help, and motivate me to make room in my life for the change I want.

13♥00♥00♥17♥07

Tuesday, 13♥00♥00♥17♥07

Someone said that if you repeat yourself three times, it becomes a habit.  That may explain why I am typing this journal entry now instead of skipping a day. 

I got going this morning on time.  However, my parents {who like to drive me to Spokane and back} namely my father likes to complain.  When there is nothing to complain about he invents one.  Like me suddenly being 'late' when I was 5 min early.

So today started with me ignoring my father half the trip.  Why waste my time and lower my frequency just to play an angry verbal sparing game.  A game I never like to win because then he just invents something else and the emotion from before continues unabated… So no, I'll just be quiet and think happy thoughts and meditate.

While writing more on my first novel.

My trick of ignoring father only partially because he tries getting under my skin by telling me what to do.  Suddenly I am expected to shut the laptop off five minutes before we reach any destination…

I soo dream of expanding my iPhone into an Ipad. 😒

So we get yo the appointment so early the doctor sees me an hour early…. 'cause I was soooo super late?  Rhetorical question.

I logged onto the Game of Thrones: Ascent long enough to further todays daily reward, and set a few of the hour long timers going again.

I am reincarnating two characters to open up all the fealty buildings for both toons.

The second toon is for my Ideal Wife {mb Taylor Alison Swift} to play on the game, with me.  It is fun but running two toons is too intensive for what it is worth to me.

We got home at around 16:30.  Our Britney Spaniel, Ariel Miss Scarlett, is absolutely and abundantly joyful and happy to see her pack return.  Showering me and mom with doggy kisses.

I saw a few women I definitely would go out with if the opportunity presented itself.  I saw a blonde at Yokes in Pasco, and she blanked my mind for a second.

Yes, I percieve the Goddess as having shown that Tay Tay is my Ideal Wife. That has zero to do with appreciating beauty, or the fact that sometimes I am wrong.  I desperately 'want' to be wrong about Her because all she seems to do is ignore me.

I am far from mad, or any other negative emotion, about that.  If Tay Tay truly does reject my romantic interest in her then that is her choice.  Stalking her or being boligerent would be selfish of me and have the opposite effect of what I want.

I do refuse to take silence as an answer, however, I live my own life and pray.  Loving someone means supporting whatever decisions they make in life, even if I perceive it as hurting me…

Though, I do believe that for them to make that decision means they are disharmonious from being 'Ideal' in any ways.

I spell for the Goddess to help me know what is true…  to control, direct, help, inspire, and motivate me to be the Ideal Husband to the Ideal Wife and Ideal Family that I want.  I spell for the Goddess to help me move on and past Tay Tay, and onto my Ideal Wife.

Hence, why I feel Tay Tay is… or 'will be' my Ideal.  Here is where people say I am crazy though.  I am through waiting though and will force my slirit to vacate this mortal coil.

Hell is a myth… part of the matrix created by the District of Columbia, meant to keep souls here even if they are 'living in hell'. Only the self can damn thy own self.  The Goddess loves all withought condition.

After almost 39 years of abundant pain and misery, I have reached the end.  I have found a way out of it.  I have been, am, and will always be healing my psyche from whatever past life trauma caused this episode.  I think our psyche are always heing damaged by life itself.

As our own body regenerates to replace cells that die off.  Life is constantly damaging our mortal coils too, and so too must we 'heal' our psyche.  By being positive, law of attraction, and most importantly believing and having faith in the Goddess.  Any religion 'can' serve this function.

I have been imagining a spiritual path, religion, that helps the aggregate the most to choose to be happy… to choose to heal their psyche.

13♥00♥00♥17♥04

Saturday, Mayan Date: 13♥00♥00♥17♥04

I thought about this for a while and decided to go ahead and remake this political blog into my journal.  I'll still write artificals about events that occurr that I want more of but, the other stuff is history… maybe not even there… guess we'll see.

Blogger's iPhone app seems to be failing with the spell checking.  So I apologize ahead of time… hopefully

Standard seems to suggest to keep a journal secret.  I know the humble, self-incriminating reasoning for this but I am eliminating the later.  So may it is better to be open and just leave out personal names.

I feel that I am getting somewhere with a novel I am writing.  It's still in its infancy but its fun and exciting.  I am focusing on those feelings and what I want to happen around the bend.

I understand some about positive thinking and the Law of Attraction.  I think what I choose to every moment of every hour of every day.

Everyday I am getting better and better, in everyway I am getting better and better.  I am extranenly, paranormally, and divinely healthy, fit, gifted, whole, beautiful, handsome, strong, successful, powerful, joyful, loved, and happy.

I want to begin and raise my ideal of a marriage and family;  with my ideal wife, with that I am her ideal husband.  I have incorporated many things into my life to help change myself into the person I said I want to be.  However, I remain at the end of the latest phase of my life… waiting for five years now, and of course I have grown and changed in those five years.

I sleep on my side of my bed.  I abundantly eliminate contractions from my vocabulary… or use tyem with clear intent.  I speak affirmations, and pray, multiple times a day.  I've drawn picture of what she might look like.  I've left over half of my closet and dresser empty and waiting with me.  Each drawer as a symbol of what she represents to me.

I daydream constantly of my Ideal Wife.  Yes, I even write them down.  They are not finished or published.  I draw some too but its not life-like.

I have battled with clinical depression for most of my life.  That and my life choices are why I am not married.  I've left behind most everyone I thought was a friend.  Some have kept themselves in the distance.  Many felt threatened by my intent to be increasingly positive…

Real life is stranger than fiction…

I've grown very religous but eclectic lately.  I have found a few others out there who think similarly.  I started a twitter account and FB page dedicated to those thoughts.

When asked the Goddess suggests Taylor Alison Swift is who is meant to come into my life.  That makes a lot of sense to me.  However, I focus on what that means to me, instead of a specific person.  Afterall, the devil is in the details.

The reason it makes since is because I find Tay Tay's voice, personality, and appearence to be the most beautiful entity on the planet… maybe in the universe too… but, I can't really back that up.

I can easily write stories for however long I want while listening to Tay Tay's music.  Other lyrical music fails to help me the same way hers does.  I can put her discography on random shuffle and love whatever song comes up.

Naturally realizing your thinking this way about a celebritiy is far from a picnic.  I've tested my reasoning on other musical groups and i've yet to hear anything that has the same effect on me as Tay Tay, much to my chagrin.

I mean, even my own mother looks at me like she is humoring a lunatic, while at the same time expresses worry about my sanity.  This is the one person who is nearly always supportive of me and what I want.  That fails to mean she spoils me, it means she believes in me when no one else will… except this.

So I've tried all my old tricks to shift my thoughts onto someone at least on the same side of the country.  As always to 'try' is admit failure.  Which only works on describing the past, when the results are already known.

None-the-less, I focus on how I want my life to be different and feel them.  Instead of Tay Tay or anyone elses.  To be specific merely invites the inconceivability for me to be wrong.

So far I am kind of enjoying writing my journal online and quasi-publik.  I suppose a really obsessed person could find me but that was true without the internet too.  I am going to sleep after I republish this, may delete more old posts, but I don't know… it's more than being indescive for me.  I simply acknowledge and accept that I am a very impulsive person.  Though I am undoubtedly predictable about somethings.

I will close with a list of characteristics that I believe my Ideal Wife has.  Some may be fanciful notions that I may be wrong about.  I leave it up to the Goddess to decide what would help me the most in making the choice to be happy.

Extraterrestrial Biological Entity; rylty; tht homosapiens r abl 2 breed wth

One parent = Japanese/Korean

Other is Swedish/German/Irish American

Non {female, woman}

She is happy with me being a poor starving artist.  Well… not exactly but maybe you get the idea.

Lithe & svelte

Blonde/Red Hair

More Intelligent & wiser than me

Early Twenties {we want thirteen plus divinely healthy, fit, & gifted kids}

Loves to watch movies and television

Loves accepting my help with her career… & vice versa of course

Loves playing video games, role-playing games {like Mass Effect, DA:O}

Believes small limited government with strong national defense is right.

Loves her parents and has a good relationship with them.