An entry into a chronological journal, or diary, of Witkh13. If you want a real name, it is easy enough to find. This is largely a tool to help me collocate, transmogrify, and evolve my psyche. I believe that posting this online is a part of what is helping me. I do hope that others may choose to let this help them as well.
Each entry is an expansion of what has been written before. I am likely to avoid repeating myself. Though I do like hyper-linking and annotating as I believe it helps me with my audience centric writings.
Sunnandag translates from Old English as literally 'Sun' & 'day' together. The concept of it being a day of rest is entirely a Judeo-Christian belief. However, it is universally considering the beginning of the week except for the
statists. I have already wrote my reasoning on why statists and their I.O.S. is internationally wrong.
[1]
Thus curse, beg, pray, ask, et cetera the Goddess to severe from me any and all bonds holding me to this life. Severe this me from this lifecycle now. I sever and remove any bond with another soul that is forcing me to live in this Prime Material.
Luminous beings we are, and we continue on after our corporeal shells begin unanimous. Thus what I ask for fails to be suicide or 'death' as people commonly think of it as; That being an 'end'.
Recently I had an epiphany of who it was that was interested in me while I was in High School. Another friend of hers, Jane came with Rachel to my door. I forget the exact words used but as a horny teenage boy I took it to as something favorable towards ending my status as a virgin. Sadly, I thought it was yet another 'joke' being played on me. My life is full of people trying to convince me to pay for their humor in some way. I thought this was little different.
I now realize that I was absolutely and abundantly wrong. I mean, why else would the Goddess flash this memory back into my mind's eye after over two decades.?.
Now I get to why I am writing this here besides preserving my epiphany. Everyone who "knew" Rachel was into me refused to tell me. I imagine it was under her direction or friends of hers looking after her best interest. However I think this is also absolutely and abundantly foolish.
I was obsessed and infatuated with two girls at the time, Kinani Brown and Shelby McBride. Please understand I refused actually stalking, nefarious, or violating their privacy in some way. However, I did get I an exceptionally verbose and nasty letter written to me by Shelby McBride about hand-me-downs. I saved the later for a decade before realizing what I was doing was preserving pain, and subsequently burned the letter in the sink... so it would fail to burn anything else. lulz.
Therefore I understand that Rachel Culbertson's and friends probably refused to be my "rebound" girl or whatever words they used. I object to the idea but that is later. I also reject the idea that anyone would have been a 'rebound' girl.
For Rachel to be my "rebound" girl, that would mean that Shelby McBride or Kinani Brown would have to be 'with' me in the first place. Even after two decades it still is absolutely and abundantly clear that they would rather I refrain from living on the same planet. I am ok with people hating me, I forgive them and myself and I move on. I let them hurt themselves alone, with their hate instead of me.
Maybe they have grown up and moved on as I have since it
is two decades later. That would be fantabulous and I curse that is so. We all deserve and are worthy of being loved, joyful, and happy in whatever way we choose.
I use 'curse' in exchangeable with prayer because what is one person's prayer is another's curse.
So, now that I have established that an actual relationship with Rachel would have failed to be a 'rebound' from any other relationship. As someone who has been 'infatuated' and 'obsessed', they are… absolutely and abundantly different from any sort of relationship between two or more people. The concepts are like oil and water, they fail to have the same chemical properties.
Now, I will destroy this myth of rebound girl/guy.
Who came up with this rule.?.
I am serious here, who the frak came up with this lame ass rule about how it is somehow 'unfavorable' to be who the wanted person is rebounding into. That sounds like an absolutely fantabulous situation to me, so what lame ass came up with this totally non-provable hypothesis that it was bad.?.
Furthermore, why the frak do people believe this clap trap?
To believe this crap, you first have to believe that you
know what
could have been
if you
only had made a
different choice.
I know a common misconception is that hindsight is 20/20, except newsflash everyone…
…
Eye sight fails in perception for people with 20/20 eyesight too morons. I mean, if we want to take this anecdotal metaphor to it's conclusion and actually make the mistake of believing we can predict the future.
However everything really is sunshine and lollipops. Life happens the way our higher self wants it to. The more we let the dark side rule our minds the more entrenched we become in the coarse through this lifecycle we have already planned. Thus, Rachel choosing to avoid telling me how she felt is how both our higher selves want it to have happened.
The Prime Material fails to be a set in stone map, that our society and culture often portray it as. That is a convenient myth that serves to only perpetuate ignorance and the Dark Side itself. It is a nebulous cloud that only solidify when it comes into our aura.
That is far from saying the 'map' itself is crap. It is knowledge and seen with clear perception it can help. A way I look at it is that
Hermetiks and
Science are the study of the
Goddess and how she creates the
Prime Material. I think some refer to this as
Intelligent Design; And, I simply refer to myself as a Jedi. Because there really is an unseen all powerful
Force that binds everything together and from which everything is created.
As I have said, I have had many infatuation and obsessions, and the Goddess has helped me see through and past them to grow out of the desire of a want for them. Understanding what they are and why I had a want for them is how I know Tay Tay is different. I know that may seem completely retarded and silly but all I can say is choosing to think that would be wrong.
