1 3 ♥ 0 0 ♥ 0 1 ♥ 1 1 ♥ 1 3; Dies Sun

An entry into a chronological journal, or diary, of Witkh13.  If you want a real name, it is easy enough to find.  This is largely a tool to help me collocate, transmogrify, and evolve my psyche.  I believe that posting this online is a part of what is helping me.  I do hope that others may choose to let this help them as well.

Each entry is an expansion of what has been written before.  I am likely to avoid repeating myself.  Though I do like hyper-linking and annotating as I believe it helps me with my audience centric writings.

Sunnandag translates from Old English as literally 'Sun' & 'day' together.  The concept of it being a day of rest is entirely a Judeo-Christian belief.  However, it is universally considering the beginning of the week except for the statists.  I have already wrote my reasoning on why statists and their I.O.S. is internationally wrong. ^[1]

Thus beg, pray, ask, et cetera the Goddess to severe from me any and all bonds holding me to this life.  Sever my life from me, help me die, tonight.  When I want to eternally sleep.  I sever and remove any bond with another soul that is forcing me to live in this Prime Material.

The only reason to continue to mentally and physically suffer through this holding pattern of my qabalah, is because, who Taylor Alison Swift is to me, refuses to choose.  Accept or reject me.  Yes it 'could' be someone else but that is irrelevant.  'whoever' you want to think of Tay Tay as; she either chooses a silent no or refuses to choose.

I stipulate Tay Tay as who she is to me, because I realize that I could be mistaken.  The ideal wives of my dreams could be someone else entirely.  I do know differently but I can only control myself and my own actions.  Even with circle, hermetik, magik it is wrong to try to pray for something outside of thyself.

Recently I remembered something about Tay Tay and why I know it is her.  I have been infatuated and obsessed before and I know the difference intimately now.  I asked the Goddess to sever and remove all fear, doubt, and despair.  For Her to fill me with knowing who exactly is the ideal wives of my dreams.  I say wives because I think we will be polyamorous but that is up to Tay Tay as it is me.  So it may just be wife, Tay Tay.

After a few days of thought, I made a list of who I felt would help me the most to be happy.  The other five curses are an expansion of what I have hyperlinked.  However, the list is more general.  Why I asked the Goddess for was much more specifically individualistic.

I was listening to "The Secret" repeatedly at the time and part of the tracks covers asking the Goddess for something.  Someone was asking for a feather.  They even drew the purely fictional feather with extraordinary detail.  At least the protagonist thought it was fictional for a week later he almost stepped on the exact feather made real.

I have always found women of Japanese or Korean descent the most attractive.  I had been infatuated with Lucy Liu for a time and so I thought of what I woman of mixed Japanese American would be like.  I asked this because I was thinking of someone I would actually want to share the rest of my life with instead of just someone to obsess over.

Women with Japanese ancestry are universally dark haired innately.  If they have different colored hair they either have a European ancestor or two, or they are dyeing their hair.  I dislike women who choose to mark their birthday suit with tattoos and dyeing their hair a different color.  The feeling that they are convinced their innate body and genes are somehow inferior, and so they must 'permanently' mark their body is abhorrent to me.

Sine qua no, I want a woman of Japanese German/Irish ancestry that was a natural blonde.

That came my second point.  A woman who was extremely successful in her chosen career is something I asked for because I have a mixed beta/alpha personality.  I typically dislike being 'in charge' in general, unless it is for specific shared goals.

As a writer of fiction I am dirt poor and I am allergic to minimum wage jobs.  That is written to be funny but is truthful as I have observed myself.  I am far from suggesting that I am superior to such jobs.  I simply fail at maintaining employment with them.

Innately I have an abysmally low tolerance for bullshit.  "Bosses" of minimum wage jobs are typically the same as me, they just have been around longer.  However, they let their authority go to their head and demand that I 'respect' them.  I fail at 'gifting' anyone with respect unless I think it is earned.  Of course, sometimes I am wrong and I have used those occasion to grow and transmogrify.

Therefore I also asked for an absolute abundance of wealth.  This is to help support our desire to start and raise a family.  I asked for someone who wanted a lot of children because that is what I want.  An overall objective of mine was to avoid the want to 'convince' my wives of what I want.  We either agree on what we want or there is someone else out there that will help us more to choose to be happy.

I asked for us to be extraordinarily of similar mind.  We agree on political theology almost absolutely, if not completely.

My wife is to be lithe, svelte, and beautiful like an Olympic gymnast but that is not necessarily her profession.  This may be superficial however the goal is for me to be honest with myself and what I want.  What will help me the most to choose to be happy.  Yes I also transmogrifying myself to do likewise for my wife.

Finally, my wife may not initially know it but will develop an interest for us to welcome other women into our marriage in a polyamorous relationship.

Polyamorous is where ever individual admires, adores, and is in love with each other.  Every member is sexually intimate with each member of the marriage.  A polyamorous marriage is void any central figure whether male or female.  I have said this before but I have encountered women who automatically assume I am being misogynistic and/or chauvinistic.

The reality is that what my wife chooses to want is just as important as what I choose to want.  I am a virgin sexually and with intimate romance so I abundantly accept that I may be wrong with wanting this.  By wrong I mean this could negatively influence my effort to choose to be happy.  Daily I pray for divine guidance regarding this.

Given the length of time the Goddess has let me hold onto this idea, I suspect I am on the right track.  However, anything is possible.  Furthermore, given American society and culture favoring monogamous relationships I heavily rely upon the Goddess's divine guidance to see me through to manifesting this polyamorous marriage.  Her point of view, is vastly superior to mine... or anyone who is 'living'.

One of the things I have asked for that is unknown regarding Tay Tay and I.  I asked the Goddess for my wife to encourage, embrace, and join me in creating a Jedi religious spiritual path based upon Christianity, Aleister Crowley, Edgar Casey, and Argenteum Astrum's teachings.

My first goal regarding this creation of a spiritual path, is to write a series of fictional novels that will serve as a Jedi 'Bible'.

Thank you very much for sharing your time.  May the Force be with you and the Goddess bless you.

13♥00♥00♥17♥14

Diaries seem like they should be written in every day… or at least have less than five months gap between entries.  Seemingly, I am extremely minutely selective with what I am consistent with or rules that ai follow… also, apparently both items share the same list and its size constriction.

I still beg/pray/curse/cast/spell/meditate on the Goddess manifesting me as the dream ideal husband of the ideal wife of my dreams; now; today; us absolutely, abundantly, eternally, implicitly, recuprocatingly admire, adore, and in love with each other and ourselves; control, direct, help, inspire, motivate us into matriomoneous bliss today.

I do value and love myself as an independent individual.  Though I understand my writings may appear otherwise.  Neglible is my desire yo control or 'own' anyone other than myself.  I am whole, beautiful, strong, powerful, loving, joyful, and happy.

However, I am done done with this lifecycle and this mortal coil;  Unless what stated earlier is made manifest through me, today.  I have learned how to deal with my chronic emotional and physical pain.  Yet, i am done with doing it anymore.

I know of two things that will help me the most to choose to be happy.  Heaven; another life; or Tay Tay.  However, I do acknowledge utimately happiness is my choice and only I can achieve it.  Others may help but they are incapable of doing it 'for' me.

My life as it is at an impass.  I am single, thirty nine year old, dirt poor and live with my awe inspiring mother and father.  I am a writer of science fiction romance stories and suffering from writer's block for a few years now.  I continually explore new ideas to get past the block but no joy so far.

I think I have mentioned before my absolute inexperience with an actual romantic girlfriend.  After it is to late, I learn of another's interest in me sometimes.  However I have been so wrapt up in my own pain that I have been an idiot for the most part.

In addition, my physical pain has greatly impacted my mostly sedentary life style.  The longer I stand/walk the more pain I am in until I collapse.  The actual timing varies and my current success with weightloss seems to have helped a little with pain and a lot with fatigue.

So yes, only I can change this.  I have already stated possible course changes.  How does one collide without the other entity to collide into?

Thus I am back to praying/cursing/meditating/spelling/casting for the Goddess to control, direct, help, inspire, and motivate me to manifest myself as who I want to be.