5.03.2017

1 3 ♥ 0 0 ♥ 0 4 ♥ 0 7 ♥ 1 4 ♥ Dias Lady; Dear Diary; An Open Letter to the Ideal Wife of My Dreams

Praying, to the Goddess, that my the I.W.o.M.D., Ideal Wife of My Dreams, either respond that she accepts a life and future with me, or that she do not, am I. Simply so that I can move on from this... whatever is this lifecycle that has me stuck in a holding pattern.  Other readers could see this as me needing her but they would be wrong.

Forty-two solar orbits in the past, my wonderstrukk mother, Mary, gave birth to exactly what she wanted, a baby boy… her only child, that would be me. My father, Randy, was in the U.S. Air Force as a technician at the time. That could have been a bit of foreshadowing as moving around a lot while growing up was my near future. Thus, primarily reacting to life was chosen by me, for at least the first half of my life. As with most children, the wisdom to actually use my free-will would come much later in life.

A year and a half, after graduating High-school in nineteen ninety-five; enlisting in the U.S. Navy seemed like a good idea, and I did enjoy it despite how it ended. The situational programming from life had suggested that I should want to be an engineer or architect like my mother and father, and I failed to know any better to question it.

While I was marginally successful at W.S.U. {Washington State University} in nineteen ninety-five, I was dissatisfied with the direction I was headed. Envisioning myself actually working as an engineer scared me... primarily because I lacked self-esteem and I had little genuine interest in such a life. Therefore the military seemed like a good way to do something while I figured out what was of want by me.

Being in the ocean was almost majikal to me. Therefore, I loved being a submariner. I entered on a contract to become a Nuclear Power technician for submarines after finishing boot camp. From my mother, 'mind over matter' was partially known to me and thus I entered bootcamp with determination to make it a fantastic experience, and successful was I.

However, Nuclear Power ‘A’ School was similar to W.S.U. in the experience of mine. Looking back now, the same reason I failed at W.S.U. was the same reason I passed N.P. ‘A’ School but without the necessary G.P.A. of 3.75 to continue in the pipeline. The year after I left the 'closed' that 'loophole'. 3.74 was what was awarded to me.

Therefore, among other options was the training to become a Missile Machinist Technician for the submarines that carry Nuclear Missiles... Completing M.M. Tech ‘A’ School in the top five trainees allowed me to be sent to the fleet after reviewing further education in S.I.N.S. {Ships Inertial Navigation System}

The knowledge of mind-over-matter that was illuminated to me at that point, failed to include how emotions, and thoughts, manifest reality itself. It was while serving on the U.S.S. Alaska {SSBN-732} that I began to understand what career is really of want by me.

Ultimately that is to write vampire steam-punk romance novels. Romance novels because happy endings are desired by me. Life itself can be negative enough without the desire to let it ‘corrupt’ my entertainment. However, should you embrace a life with me, that could change based on what helps you choose to be happy.

The desire to write interfered with my duties aboard the U.S.S. Alaska, and being mature or self disciplined enough to correct that inequity escaped my psyche. It would only gradually appear a decade, or more later, coincidentally when the Goddess illuminated who the I.W.o.M.D. most probably is, to me.

At that time, this conflict of interest created a great amount of stress. That lead me into a server clinical depression that was extraordinarily deep and unfathomable. Suicidal thoughts were common, and it was one of my friends who reported that to my superiors. That put me on a path of being disqualified to be a submariner. That is one of their rules, being suicidal at any time in life is considered a deal breaker. At the time, the effect suicide would have on my mother is the only thing that truly held me back.

The psychiatrist gave me the option of going to the surface fleet or being discharged. The compulsion to take the later displaced any desire for the former. Directing me into a new situation to grow and greatly improve my writing was the subconscious, believe now do I. However for a long time, the mistakes of seeing it as a failure possessed me.

Regret and seeing anything in the past as a mistake or failure is wrong, and only leads one to the Dark Side. That viewing such things as learning experiences, that we can avoid repeating, was illuminated to me. The key to avoid repeating these experience is to learn everything we can from it. Only with the aid of the Goddess was that possible for me.

In 2006 my mother gave me an audiobook of “The Secret” and I figured that what I am doing is failing to work for me, thus it is time to try something new. The audiobook quotes someone else as coincidentally saying that. The L.o.A., “Law of Attraction”, has subsequently, in many ways, saved my soul. Distinguish a soul from a lifecycle is essential, believe do I.

The life of a mortal coil is merely a vessel to experience a lifecycles. Ane end of the life-cycles currently experienced has been reached by me. By the grace of the Goddess all that there is to learn has been illuminated to me. All the decisions necessary to bed made before the next set of lifecycles had been made by me. This has left me in something in a holding pattern that disagrees with my will.

Most everything that is truly is of want, in the effort to manifest happiness, is easily manifested by me. The most critical component in the life that is of want, is the I.W.o.M.D. to embrace a life and future with as well. Why the Goddess only holds back from helping in this, is an excruciatingly frustrating mystery to me.

Since 2007, the Goddess continues to illuminate that +Taylor Alison Swift and I could help each other the most choose to be the happiest while married and parents raising children as we explore our careers. Of course, anyone who knows spellworks/prayer knows that it is impossible to change another entity. We can only change ourselves and that changes our reality; As reality is merely a reflection of us.

The answer to that dilemma is to write out what the Ideal Wife of My Dreams means to the source; And to only cast in regards to that; To envision actually living with the I.W.o.M.D., instead of an actual individual. Doing that only leads to the daydream being dissatisfying.  Being dissatisfied with our own dream, means the chances are high that these dreamer is confused on what is of want by them.

+taylor alison swift is a celebrity and she undoubtedly has many admirers, and thus surely this sounds insane.   Questioning the Goddess's wisdom on whether this is merely confusion of mine, often do I.  Yet in the past decade the only thing that has changed is inner growth, advancement, and learning of mine.  In addition, the adoration, admiration, and being absolutely, abundantly, and eternally in love for her, only increases for me.

By all public accounts +Taylor Swift is over thirteen years younger than me.  Being accused of wanting to "rob the cradle" is the kindest of what acquaintances and abundant number of strangers has accused of me.  Thinking that she is far more mature than a typical, almost twenty-nine year old, prefer do I.  There are other justifications for our relationship but there fails to be a valid one for trying to justify what is of want to immature strangers.

How the Lady has shown Her will to me is in coincidences, feelings, and flashes of memory, and in a few instances directly manifesting confirmation, that was requested but me.  Such as +Taylor Alison Swift is the only artist that I enjoy every song of every album she has has, is, and will create.  That includes the songs from other artists write and perform, that she performs in concerts.

My search for the identity of my I.W.o.M.D. began with a couple women before +TaylorSwiftVEVO, In those instances the negative response, from the Divine, was very clear to me. She is, with little doubt, the manifestation of what the I.W.o.M.D. is for me.

Of course, one of the cardinal pillars of what was written by me is that I am the I.H.o.H.D. {Ideal Husband of Her Dreams} Essentially what is of want is a companion and partner to share life and grow old together. There are many other details but they will remain offline for now.

The definition of a stalker has concerned me great deal. It is what has lead only irregular and infrequent attempts to contact +Taylor Alison Swift ; Avoiding attending her concerts or follow her in any way shape or form... Well except for buying and loving all her albums.  For someone without an paying occupation, that is a big deal.

The only response to stalking seems to be fear and sometimes paranoia.  That is the very last emotional response that is prayed for in the I.W.o.M.D. by me.

Fundamentally, stalking is the result of an obsession, think do I.  An obsession is entirely service-to-self and essentially a mind breaking disease.  Everything is about the source, and basically 'owning' whatever the obsession is about.  When the obsession is a person there are dangers for both the diseased entity and the target.  To put this more simply to obsess over another is entirely selfish.

Obsession is a feeling that is very well known to me.  Thankfully the experience has always fell short of hurting anyone other than myself.  However, this has allowed me to find the cure for obsession/depression and that is the Goddess... or whatever you happen to believe and want to call it.  Ask for the help of the Goddess to free, clear, and heal your mind.  If necessary, do this until you feel the 'feeling' lift.

That may sound similar to a few other religious recruiting tools, though that is all that is needed believe do I.  That is only a belief in a higher power, and asking that higher power to help you.


  • The Goddess abundantly wants to help you with anything that you happen to decide.
  • As a being of omnipotence, omnipresence, and indomitableness the Goddess is overwhelmingly able to help everyone equally simultaneously with the weight of the Lady's full attention.
  • As a couple other religions recognize, the idea that anything is trivial is an absolute falsehood;  And if it matters to us, then it matters to the Lady.


That is the whole of the cure for any entity suffering from depression.  Self experience is what has taught this to me.


  • Why does the Goddess let bad things happen?  We chose to experience them.
  • Why does the Goddess let people choose to be bad?  Because we gave ourselves Free-Will in this life.
  • Why does the Goddess refrain from helping me?  Most likely because either you fail to ask the Lady for help;  Or, you are confused on what is actually of want by you.  Maybe to clear the confusion, envision already having what you think you want.  If you fail to be satisfied, then that probably isn't what you are really after.


In case the reader is wondering, the Goddess is often in my prayers for clarification, freeing, and healing regarding the I.W.o.M.D. and Tay Tay.  As I have said before, the Lady only intensifies my adoration, admiration, and being in love with her.

A test to discount obsession is daydreaming of living a life with them.  To further estrange yourself from obsession, do what I do, and focus less on who the I.W.o.M.D. is and more one what the other means.  Given the Goddess has seemingly seen fit to show me who is the I.W.o.M.D., this is a little difficult for me.  However, again to change the realm we live in we must change/alter ourselves.

Perhaps answer the questions of: How will your life be different?  What character traits/skills do they possess?  What do they enjoy doing?  What are you willing to separate from your life to make room for this person?  For me, the answer is almost everything and what I would want to only diminish the presence of is for instance, my parents.

A forty-two year old virgin, disabled, starving writer that lives at home with his parents, is me;  Wants to embrace a life and future with someone else.  Naturally, our parents will still have a presence, just a diminished one, for at least mine.  An actual place of employment escapes me.

This entire letter has been written by me to alleviate the inequity of how little of me that can by found on the internet, versus knowing a shade of who you are by your lyrics and life choices.

Nonetheless, another cardinal truth is that an entity that is confused rarely knows that they are so. That there is a daily reminder to pray to the Goddess for an overwhelmingly compulsion to notice who is the I.W.o.M.D., by me. A prayer for the Goddess to obfuscate less and falsified and abundantly illuminate the truth to me.

Of course, the Goddess does answer, though that fails to awards the right to force the knowledge on another through physical manipulation of reality by me. Regardless of how true vision of spirituality and religion is to me; Other souls are in their own lifecycles and are leaving at their own pace.

All but one other system of religion/spirituality have been fundamentally corrupted to varying degrees. However there is enough for in them to guide any soul should they seek it. There is only one key code to make; and abandoning service-to-self, and embracing service-to-others, is realized by me.

Both are perfectly valid paths, though the leader of service-to-self is Baal'Zebub and he is stuck at the last tenth of the fifth density. He is stick because he refuses to realizes the cardinal rule of All is One.  The realization that he is both the yin and the yang.

However, Baal'Zebub fails to be a facet of the Divine.  We see the Divine as the Lady, the Force, or the Lord, because of our point of view on the Prime Material. {Reality}  He is simply an ED.B.E. {Extra-Dimensional Biological Entity} that has graced a few of the nephilims {humans} on Terra in accordance to their own free-will.


So **passively accepting**

I.W.o.M.D. will you marry me?


Sincerely, with adoration, admiration, and being in love with you,

Brent Michael Ryan
Burbank, Wa
{s!x-f00r-s!x} thr33-3!ght-n!n3…s3v3n-3!ght-f00r-s!x

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