9.13.2014

1 3 ♥ 0 0 ♥ 0 1 ♥ 1 3 ♥ 1 3; Sunnanafen

Previous posts on this day of Saturn have explained my peculiar choice of words to symbolize the day.  Therefore, I will stop repeating myself on future Days that we honor Saturn.

One interesting convergence is that of all the planet's Saturn is the only one with a super-duper-hurrican at the planet's north pole.  The funnel wall is a sheer cliff face as deep as the Grand Canyon on Terra.  The funnel encircles an area larger than Texas.  The interesting part is that our ancestors chose to honor Saturn, instead of say Jupiter with it's big red eye.

Terra has always been our planet's name.  Just as Sol has been our sun's name.  The word 'earth' is the soil that animals walk on and plants grow in. As such it exists on every planet the Goddess has created.  I refuse to limit myself to society's errors.

My parents went to camp in Idaho on their property this weekend.  I chose to stay home.  Combined they are gone a total of two days.  Two days traveling there and back, and one full day there.

A positive thinking guru recently said to me that I should open myself to receive the ideal wives of my dreams as we form the ideal marriage of 'our' dreams.  She meant that I should put myself in new and maybe uncomfortable situations where I may meet at least my first wife.

My first wife is Taylor Alison Swift, but realizing that before it happens is only for my self eateem and self worth.

I am worthy and deserve to be the dream ideal husband of the marriage and ideal wives of my dreams, as I am.
I deserve and am worthy to receive Tay Tay's reciprocating adoration, admiration, and being in love with me.

Empowering those thoughts with emotions of intent, love, joy, happiness, and gratitude is a cardinal element of ghe process of manifestation.

So all week long I severed all beliefs, thoughts, and emotions regarding me attending the camping trip.  I prayed and asked the Goddess to control, direct, help, inspire, manipulate, and/or motivate me towards whatever option will help me the most with manifesting my marriage or just the choice to be happy.  In addition I coupled that request with what will help my mother the most with her choice to be happy.

Obviously, the Goddess led me to stay.  I am abundantly without any regret ot doubt over the decision.  However, I do pray that my mother chose to be happy.

I have een using a new technique with writing… well until I get a tablet and can do it digitally.  I use a vat board and color dry erase markers.  Then I take a picture with my iPhone of my outline before I erase it and brainstorm about another part of my novel.  I believe this has helped me immeasurably with consistency and knowing what to write.

I absolutely feel as if I am on the verge of a great cliff.  In front of me is my path and it has a lot if changes.

Of course I refuse to flap my wings and will die unless the Goddess helps me manifest myself as the dream ideal husband of the marriage of our dreams.

This may seem melodramatic but I assure you that I am void any desire of any future that sees me alone in either the beginning, middle, or end.

Suicide is an action and requires emotion.  Rather I am abundantly apathetic outside of being the dream ideal husband of the ideal marrage and ideal wives of my dreams.  Sucide fails to be an option; rather my heart will simply stop beating.

Or maybe some other illness or disease will kill me quickly, quietly, and painlessly while I sleep.  This I do pray daily for.

I know that death is a lie.  Instead it is a change of state.  Disanimus overcomes my mortal coil after my Force leaves my corporeal shell.

I have lived many lifetimes and I will live many more;  As all spirits are eternal everlasting as the Goddess wills.

So instead of actual death, I am asking for this life cycle to renew and begin anew.

Thank you for sharing your Force.  May the Goddess bless you.

9.03.2014

1 3 ♥ 0 0 ♥ 0 1 ♥ 1 3 ♥ 0 1; Day of Woden

Wednesday honors Odin or The God: Woden that being what Germanic tribes called God.  All religions seem to be monothiestic even if the call a few lesser beings as 'a god'.  They still recognize they are neith omnipotent, omnipresent, or omnipotent such as God. {Woden}

I hage thought amostly about my life I share with Tay Tay and Mindfullness. For others the answer is always different if they are on the right and true path that is for them.  We each have a diffferent and unique path that we chose to follow before even conception.

The Super Ego, or Higher Self of even abortions, stillborns, miscarriages, et cetera chose their path.  Any reason or logic behind that is beyond me but it also should be beyond my Ego while I am alive.  Our free-will lets us choose a different branch if we choose to have want of it.

I use Freudian psychological terms because it fits wyat I feel and know is true.  Which is admittedly little, so maybe there is a better analogical metaphor out there that I have not found.

Choosing a different branch requires a varying degree of will.  The amount of will if want is relatable to how drastic the change is.  The sign that there is enough will present, is the feeling of certainty of manifesting the change of want.

We can build and strengthen our will as any muscle with purposeful mindfullness.  Mindfullness is concentrating on every detail while living an event or situation.  For instance brushing teeth, eating a bowl of cereal, taking a shower, et cetera.  

The feeling if cetainty comes while envisioning the life of want.  For instance, I invision going to bed and sleeping in the same bed as Tay Tay, eating breakfast with her, cooking food for her, playing World of Warcraft with her, et cetera.  The point is to imagine or daydream multiple details while living the event or situation;  Increasing amounts of detail is of want.

What is imagined as 'is';  is irrelevant,  what is relevant is imagining solutions to whatever problems or obstacles that are perceived.  Instead of complaining about how television or computers have ruined something, imagine how to change.

Most people seem to operate on autopilot.  The older they get the more rigid their conditioning becomes.  However, there is always hope for anyone regardless if how difficult they choose to be.  Simply pray for the Goddess to help illuminate their path.

Attempting to control others is wrong and a sign of mental illness.  It always fails regardless of number of attempts and who is attempting to exert control.

This is the primary reason statism/communism fails.  It is also why it is an entire political catagory full of people with verying degrees of mental illness. The disease is very much contagious.  It prays on the ignorant, young, and weak of mind.

This is why statiist politicians destroy education systems, seek to 'euthanize' the elderly, extensively use propoganda to brainwash/condition their supporters.

However now I have gotten off topic.

Minimizing Apps To Window's System Tray For Free

There is a simply free, open source, program that will minimize any app to the system tray by scrolling your mouse pointer over the minimize button of the window and right-clicking on the mouse.  Seemingly disharmonious with every other 'answer' from a Google search that expect you to pay $ money.  I despise paying money for any program that alters the windows program itself;  Because it is highly probably that there is an answer/option that is free.

8.17.2014

1 3 ♥ 0 0 ♥ 0 1 ♥ 1 2 ♥ 1 4; Sunnandag

An entry into a chronological journal, or diary, of Witkh13.  If you want a real name, it is easy enough to find.  This is largely a tool to help me collocate, transmogrify, and evolve my psyche.  I believe that posting this online is a part of what is helping me.  I do hope that others may choose to let this help them as well.

Each entry is an expansion of what has been written before.  I am likely to avoid repeating myself.  Though I do like hyper-linking and annotating as I believe it helps me with my audience centric writings.

Sunnandag translates from Old English as literally 'Sun' & 'day' together.  The concept of it being a day of rest is entirely a Judeo-Christian belief.  However, it is universally considering the beginning of the week except for the statists.  I have already wrote my reasoning on why statists and their I.O.S. is internationally wrong. [1]

Thus curse, beg, pray, ask, et cetera the Goddess to severe from me any and all bonds holding me to this life.  Severe this me from this lifecycle now.  I sever and remove any bond with another soul that is forcing me to live in this Prime Material.

Luminous beings we are, and we continue on after our corporeal shells begin unanimous.  Thus what I ask for fails to be suicide or 'death' as people commonly think of it as;  That being an 'end'.



Recently I had an epiphany of who it was that was interested in me while I was in High School.  Another friend of hers, Jane came with Rachel to my door.  I forget the exact words used but as a horny teenage boy I took it to as something favorable towards ending my status as a virgin.  Sadly, I thought it was yet another 'joke' being played on me.  My life is full of people trying to convince me to pay for their humor in some way.  I thought this was little different.

I now realize that I was absolutely and abundantly wrong.  I mean, why else would the Goddess flash this memory back into my mind's eye after over two decades.?.

Now I get to why I am writing this here besides preserving my epiphany.  Everyone who "knew" Rachel was into me refused to tell me.  I imagine it was under her direction or friends of hers looking after her best interest.  However I think this is also absolutely and abundantly foolish.

I was obsessed and infatuated with two girls at the time, Kinani Brown and Shelby McBride.  Please understand I refused actually stalking, nefarious, or violating their privacy in some way.  However, I did get I an exceptionally verbose and nasty letter written to me by Shelby McBride about hand-me-downs.  I saved the later for a decade before realizing what I was doing was preserving pain, and subsequently burned the letter in the sink... so it would fail to burn anything else. lulz.

Therefore I understand that Rachel Culbertson's and friends probably refused to be my "rebound" girl or whatever words they used.  I object to the idea but that is later.  I also reject the idea that anyone would have been a 'rebound' girl.

For Rachel to be my "rebound" girl, that would mean that Shelby McBride or Kinani Brown would have to be 'with' me in the first place.  Even after two decades it still is absolutely and abundantly clear that they would rather I refrain from living on the same planet.  I am ok with people hating me, I forgive them and myself and I move on.  I let them hurt themselves alone, with their hate instead of me.

Maybe they have grown up and moved on as I have since it is two decades later.  That would be fantabulous and I curse that is so.  We all deserve and are worthy of being loved, joyful, and happy in whatever way we choose.

I use 'curse' in exchangeable with prayer because what is one person's prayer is another's curse.

So, now that I have established that an actual relationship with Rachel would have failed to be a 'rebound' from any other relationship.  As someone who has been 'infatuated' and 'obsessed', they are… absolutely and abundantly different from any sort of relationship between two or more people.  The concepts are like oil and water, they fail to have the same chemical properties.



Now, I will destroy this myth of rebound girl/guy.

Who came up with this rule.?.

I am serious here, who the frak came up with this lame ass rule about how it is somehow 'unfavorable' to be who the wanted person is rebounding into.  That sounds like an absolutely fantabulous situation to me, so what lame ass came up with this totally non-provable hypothesis that it was bad.?.

Furthermore, why the frak do people believe this clap trap?

To believe this crap, you first have to believe that you know what could have been if you only had made a different choice.

I know a common misconception is that hindsight is 20/20, except newsflash everyone…



Eye sight fails in perception for people with 20/20 eyesight too morons.  I mean, if we want to take this anecdotal metaphor to it's conclusion and actually make the mistake of believing we can predict the future.



However everything really is sunshine and lollipops.  Life happens the way our higher self wants it to.  The more we let the dark side rule our minds the more entrenched we become in the coarse through this lifecycle we have already planned.  Thus, Rachel choosing to avoid telling me how she felt is how both our higher selves want it to have happened.

The Prime Material fails to be a set in stone map, that our society and culture often portray it as.  That is a convenient myth that serves to only perpetuate ignorance and the Dark Side itself.  It is a nebulous cloud that only solidify when it comes into our aura.

That is far from saying the 'map' itself is crap.  It is knowledge and seen with clear perception it can help.  A way I look at it is that Hermetiks and Science are the study of the Goddess and how she creates the Prime Material.  I think some refer to this as Intelligent Design;  And, I simply refer to myself as a Jedi.  Because there really is an unseen all powerful Force that binds everything together and from which everything is created.



As I have said, I have had many infatuation and obsessions, and the Goddess has helped me see through and past them to grow out of the desire of a want for them.  Understanding what they are and why I had a want for them is how I know Tay Tay is different.  I know that may seem completely retarded and silly but all I can say is choosing to think that would be wrong.

7.27.2014

1 3 ♥ 0 0 ♥ 0 1 ♥ 1 1 ♥ 1 3; Sunnandag

An entry into a chronological journal, or diary, of Witkh13.  If you want a real name, it is easy enough to find.  This is largely a tool to help me collocate, transmogrify, and evolve my psyche.  I believe that posting this online is a part of what is helping me.  I do hope that others may choose to let this help them as well.

Each entry is an expansion of what has been written before.  I am likely to avoid repeating myself.  Though I do like hyper-linking and annotating as I believe it helps me with my audience centric writings.

Sunnandag translates from Old English as literally 'Sun' & 'day' together.  The concept of it being a day of rest is entirely a Judeo-Christian belief.  However, it is universally considering the beginning of the week except for the statists.  I have already wrote my reasoning on why statists and their I.O.S. is internationally wrong. [1]

Thus beg, pray, ask, et cetera the Goddess to severe from me any and all bonds holding me to this life.  Sever my life from me, help me die, tonight.  When I want to eternally sleep.  I sever and remove any bond with another soul that is forcing me to live in this Prime Material.

The only reason to continue to mentally and physically suffer through this holding pattern of my qabalah, is because, who Taylor Alison Swift is to me, refuses to choose.  Accept or reject me.  Yes it 'could' be someone else but that is irrelevant.  'whoever' you want to think of Tay Tay as; she either chooses a silent no or refuses to choose.

I stipulate Tay Tay as who she is to me, because I realize that I could be mistaken.  The ideal wives of my dreams could be someone else entirely.  I do know differently but I can only control myself and my own actions.  Even with circle, hermetik, magik it is wrong to try to pray for something outside of thyself.

Recently I remembered something about Tay Tay and why I know it is her.  I have been infatuated and obsessed before and I know the difference intimately now.  I asked the Goddess to sever and remove all fear, doubt, and despair.  For Her to fill me with knowing who exactly is the ideal wives of my dreams.  I say wives because I think we will be polyamorous but that is up to Tay Tay as it is me.  So it may just be wife, Tay Tay.

After a few days of thought, I made a list of who I felt would help me the most to be happy.  The other five curses are an expansion of what I have hyperlinked.  However, the list is more general.  Why I asked the Goddess for was much more specifically individualistic.

I was listening to "The Secret" repeatedly at the time and part of the tracks covers asking the Goddess for something.  Someone was asking for a feather.  They even drew the purely fictional feather with extraordinary detail.  At least the protagonist thought it was fictional for a week later he almost stepped on the exact feather made real.

I have always found women of Japanese or Korean descent the most attractive.  I had been infatuated with Lucy Liu for a time and so I thought of what I woman of mixed Japanese American would be like.  I asked this because I was thinking of someone I would actually want to share the rest of my life with instead of just someone to obsess over.

Women with Japanese ancestry are universally dark haired innately.  If they have different colored hair they either have a European ancestor or two, or they are dyeing their hair.  I dislike women who choose to mark their birthday suit with tattoos and dyeing their hair a different color.  The feeling that they are convinced their innate body and genes are somehow inferior, and so they must 'permanently' mark their body is abhorrent to me.

Sine qua no, I want a woman of Japanese German/Irish ancestry that was a natural blonde.

That came my second point.  A woman who was extremely successful in her chosen career is something I asked for because I have a mixed beta/alpha personality.  I typically dislike being 'in charge' in general, unless it is for specific shared goals.

As a writer of fiction I am dirt poor and I am allergic to minimum wage jobs.  That is written to be funny but is truthful as I have observed myself.  I am far from suggesting that I am superior to such jobs.  I simply fail at maintaining employment with them.

Innately I have an abysmally low tolerance for bullshit.  "Bosses" of minimum wage jobs are typically the same as me, they just have been around longer.  However, they let their authority go to their head and demand that I 'respect' them.  I fail at 'gifting' anyone with respect unless I think it is earned.  Of course, sometimes I am wrong and I have used those occasion to grow and transmogrify.

Therefore I also asked for an absolute abundance of wealth.  This is to help support our desire to start and raise a family.  I asked for someone who wanted a lot of children because that is what I want.  An overall objective of mine was to avoid the want to 'convince' my wives of what I want.  We either agree on what we want or there is someone else out there that will help us more to choose to be happy.

I asked for us to be extraordinarily of similar mind.  We agree on political theology almost absolutely, if not completely.

My wife is to be lithe, svelte, and beautiful like an Olympic gymnast but that is not necessarily her profession.  This may be superficial however the goal is for me to be honest with myself and what I want.  What will help me the most to choose to be happy.  Yes I also transmogrifying myself to do likewise for my wife.

Finally, my wife may not initially know it but will develop an interest for us to welcome other women into our marriage in a polyamorous relationship.

Polyamorous is where ever individual admires, adores, and is in love with each other.  Every member is sexually intimate with each member of the marriage.  A polyamorous marriage is void any central figure whether male or female.  I have said this before but I have encountered women who automatically assume I am being misogynistic and/or chauvinistic.

The reality is that what my wife chooses to want is just as important as what I choose to want.  I am a virgin sexually and with intimate romance so I abundantly accept that I may be wrong with wanting this.  By wrong I mean this could negatively influence my effort to choose to be happy.  Daily I pray for divine guidance regarding this.

Given the length of time the Goddess has let me hold onto this idea, I suspect I am on the right track.  However, anything is possible.  Furthermore, given American society and culture favoring monogamous relationships I heavily rely upon the Goddess's divine guidance to see me through to manifesting this polyamorous marriage.  Her point of view, is vastly superior to mine... or anyone who is 'living'.

One of the things I have asked for that is unknown regarding Tay Tay and I.  I asked the Goddess for my wife to encourage, embrace, and join me in creating a Jedi religious spiritual path based upon Christianity, Aleister Crowley, Edgar Casey, and Argenteum Astrum's teachings.

My first goal regarding this creation of a spiritual path, is to write a series of fictional novels that will serve as a Jedi 'Bible'.

Thank you very much for sharing your time.  May the Force be with you and the Goddess bless you.

7.19.2014

1 3 ♥ 0 0 ♥ 0 1 ♥ 1 0 ♥ 1 5; Sunnanafen

Romans named it the Day of Saturn, that eventually became 'Saturday' that we know today. I prefer the original Middle English name of Sunnanafen. That is their words for 'Sun' & 'Eve' put together.  I seem to favor earlier definitions because they seem truly authentic.

Dissimilar is my desire for authenticity, than that of the P.o.t.U.S. Barry Soetoro's statist ideology.  For them authenticity as the ultimate verity for any relation.  Of this, I forcibly reject the very preposition.  I favor literary authenticity for the sake of other timelines visiting us.

I have an innate gift for extreme apathy in most any given situation.  To help play against that, I have thought a lot on what I really 'want' and the affect on the Prime Material I wish to have.  Words and language are a tool that we use so that other people can more easily understand us.

Sine qua no, maintaining myriad languages and a multitude of dialects for those each language is inefficacious. I am sure the ArabicCastilian, FarsiFrench, Japanese, Mandarin, Peruvian, Sanskrit et cetera native speakers wish their cultural language was the one most spoken throughout the world but that fails to be a reality.

Even English fails to really be 'American', as the language is a cameleon.  Sine qua no, it's primary characteristic is how easily it absorbs useful or popular words from other languages.

As an example, Mexicans may think their language is becoming dominant, however veritably their language is disintegrating before their very eyes as English dissects and absorbs it piece by piece.  Neither language ends as it was when this process began.  However, this is how Gaelic 'became' the progenitor to the 'English' language, it absorbs other ancient languages that were spoken at the time like Latin, Roman, Greek, French, and Teuton.

This is part of why English is considered the most difficult language to learn to speak fluently.  The preposition is that English words easily have different pronunciations;  The spellings only serve as a loose guide to how to pronounce the word.  This is why English dictionaries often list the Kenyon-Knott spelling for that word to help users pronounce the word accurately.

I use the term Kenyon-Knott instead of 'IPA' for the same reason I refuse to call any planet a 'dwarf' planet just because a few mentally ill statist perverted ancient egg farts decided to try to force everyone to agree with them.  I.P.A. stands for International Phonetic Alphabet.

However, my point is that I feel there is paramount importance in using the language most people know, and using words as accurately as possible.  Everyone makes mistakes and I am far from advocating spelling and grammar flame wars over the internet.  However, I do think the goal should be to use correct spelling and grammar so that others will understand what you are saying.

For those who refuse to care what others think?  Then why bother speaking at all?  It is a waste of breath, energy, and time.

I rewrote a few of Taylor Alison Swift's first songs she wrote here.  The song's tune is the same but the lyrics are slightly switched from my perspective and what I feel for her;  Who I feel the Goddess is telling me is the dream ideal wife for me, that I have been cursing for.

"Hey Tay Tay"

  • Hey Tay Tay,
    I know looks are deceiving,
    But I know I see the light in you,
    And as we walk,
    We are talking ~
    I without half half the things I want to say.
  • Of all the men tossing rocks at your window,
    I'll be the one waiting there even when it's cold,
  • Hey Taylor,
    Babe, you may have me believing,
    There may have always been waiting,
    To end this loneliness,
    The lie is that I have to be alone.

    [Chorus]
  • 'Cause I am wickedly shameless, if you look like an angel,
    I am nefariously shameless, if I wanna kiss you in the rain,
    I advance to feel this magik, I have innately felt since I met you,
    I am soullessly shameless, if there is only you,
    Mmm, I villainously help myself.
  • Hey Taylor,
    I keep back from you this feeling,
    So I've got some things to say to you, ha,
    I seen it all ~
    Or so I thought ~
    To shine the way you do, sui generis are you
  • The way you walk, way you talk, way you say my name ~
    You are lucky enough to be deviant, beautiful, wonderful ~
    So perpetually refuse to change
  • Hey Ryanswift,
    People are never really leaving,
    I think you and I are among the few to know ourself.
    [/Chorus]
  • They're dimming the sky lights,
    Together we are absolute and felicitous,
    Be my knight and sweep me off my feet tonight?
  • I'm waiting alone now, so come on and come out,
    And pull me near to shine, shine, shine.
  • Hey Tay Tay,
    There are more than fifty two reasons,
    Why I am the one you choose,
    All those other men ~
    Well, they're beautiful,
    Have you wrote an incidental song from them?

    {Chorus}
  • 'Cause I am rapturously shameless, if you look like an angel,
    I am exuberantly shameless, if I wanna kiss you in the rain,
    I recover to feel this magik, I have innately felt since I met you,
    I am contently shameless, if there is only you,
    Mmm, I jovially help myself.
  • ...if you look like an angel,
    Jovially shameless, if I wanna kiss you in the rain,
    I advance to feel this magik, I have innately felt since I met you,
    Blissfully shameless, if there is only you,
    Mmm, with delight I help myself.
  • Myself,
    Rapturously help myself,
    Happiness, I choose for myself.

7.08.2014

1 3 ♥ 0 0 ♥ 0 1 ♥ 1 0 ♥ 1 3: Day of Luna

While I was drifting off to sleep last night I realized that if there is a tomorrow.  I may want to articulate more precisely how I want my life to change.  In what way I want my life to be different.

First off I want to create life and raise it with Tay Tay.  I imagine us having over thirteen children but that will take a couple decades to accomplish, I believe.  I say that because I suspect she will want to continue with her music career as we do this;  And, I want to help her do that.

I have been enthralled with the idea of a polyamorous union.  For that to happen, Tay Tay will be the one to express a desire to date another woman with me.  Then if our higher selves have agreed to merging our future together, then it will be so.

However, I am a virgin carnally and romantically speaking.  Sine qua non I understand I may simply be naive and not know that which I am contemplating.  Though, that is why I daily ask the Goddess to control, direct, help, inspire, manipulate, and motivate me to manifest my thoughts and actions towards what will help me the most to choose to be happy.  The off chance that I am wrong simply means Tay Tay will refuse to express such desire.

I love playing video games and reading novels.  The life I dream of is of Tay Tay and I playing board, role-playing, and online video games together as a family.  And playing video games with our children as they grow older.  In addition to playing more simple games with them as well, when they are younger.

Tay Tay helping me advance, and grow our in-game guild is something I want as well.  I imagine she will have a want to stick with a pseudonym or just Tay without explaining to other people in the guild that may just be acquaintances of sorts.

Tay and I will be playing Warcraft, Star Wars: The Old Republic, and Elder Scrolls Online together towards the same wants.  I mean, that is what we want to do versus anyone controlling anyone else.  It's far from all encompassing either.  I am still working on incorporating this into my daydreaming.

Playing Dragon Age, Mass Effect, as well as Pillars of Eternity will be full of awe.  There are and will be other games we enjoy.  Especially the ones that allow cooperative play, such as Mass Effect two and three.

I slept half the day away but I was able to get seven more Secrets of the Empire for my main character's legendary cape quest.  I have a total of seventeen and want three more.  I already have more than enough Trillium Bars in the bank waiting to be used as a quest turn-in.

A couple super-villains in various raids because of various reasons, the only raid I had not entered at all is The Underhold {formerly RageFire Chasm}.

This has turned out rather more than I expected and it already is past midnight for me.  So I will head to bed after publishing this onto my blog.  I will think about how to further articulate other precise descriptions of what I how I want my life to be, instead of how it is.  My mind is fully present on how it is, and that may be part of the problem...

Goddess, please control, direct, help, inspire, manipulate, and motivate me to abundantly and absolutely sever and remove my mind, my psyche, from the present.  The primary objective of this is to manifest myself onto a life I do want.  I have said this before in a different way but words really do matter.  They have more power than anyone can fathom, including myself.  Our thoughts, emotions, actions, and words shape our materia.



Domo arigato gozaimasu for sharing thy time and the Force.  May the Goddess bless you and the Force continue to be with you.

7.06.2014

1 3 ♥ 0 0 ♥ 0 1 ♥ 1 0 ♥ 1 2: Sunnandag

Sunnandag translates from Old English as literally 'Sun' & 'day' together.  The concept of it being a day of rest is entirely a Judeo-Christian belief.  However, it is universally considering the beginning of the week except for the statists.  I have already wrote my reasoning on why statists and their I.O.S. are wrong here.
  • This diary entry may seem very melodramatic, morbid, and maybe even a little insane.
  • This is my diary and as such is my innermost thoughts.
  • Only those who wish to know what my inner thoughts are should continue to read.

Thank you very much for sharing your time.  May the Force be with you and the Goddess bless you.

Since 13.00.01.09.14 my parents and I spent the week at their property near Santa, Idaho.  A zombie tree tried to go for my mother's brains by impaling her shin but we swiftly and deftly dealt with the emergency.  John and two of his old friends from high school was camping with us.

Taylor Alison swift has not responded to an email I sent.  While I think that I do know her email, I avoid using it in any way.  I absolutely, abundantly, indomitably admire, adore, and am in love with her.  Therefore, I favor giving her more privacy than I believe I would want.  She deserves and is worthy of being loved, joyful, and happy on her terms;  So do we all.

My parents and I drove back from Idaho through Moscow, Idaho and Colfax, Washington on 13.00.01.10.10.  I was ready as soon as Sol crested Terra's horizon and rose into the morning celestial sky. I loved visiting there but I am loath to not have access to the internet, my Sleep # Bed, and the ability to take a shower.  I enjoy playing video games a lot, it helps me escape the Psoriatik Arthritis pain I deal with perennially.  The bed goes a long way towards that as well.

I had a air mattress bed that I put a sleeping bag on and slept in a tent with.  However, I discovered why inflatable air mattresses fail... at least the ones you get for camping.  The Sleep # Bed is awesome and technically is an air mattress too.  However, it also has a lot more structure and protection than the camping ones.

I spent most of my time writing, but I helped my parents and John with a couple of their projects every other day or so.  I have been writing on the same novel for a few weeks now.  I am excited about it and look forward to writing more of the story.  I have yet to write an actual outline though, writers say some use outlines and the other half go without.  I prefer keeping an story onion for consistency's sake alone.

John wanted me to stay up there a couple other days but by Day of Frigga {13.00.01.10.10} I was dying up there.  It is a great place to visit for short periods but a week is beyond my limit until they get running water and a Exede satellite dish for broadband internet access.  Then I would consider moving the Sleep # Bed up there.

Tay Tay has been very sharing with her time the past few days.  She has shared pictures she has taken of her family and 13.00.01.10.10 {July 4th, Independence Day}.  She has not responded with a yes to my email asking her to marry me.

I know that is deviant from how a relationship normally develops.  However, I felt it gets across how well I think of her;  that I adore, admire, and am in love with her.  Yes I focus on what being married means to me;  Instead of her as an individual.  I could be wrong and the ideal wife of my dreams could be someone else.  That is why I do this.  To do the opposite is to the lie of me obsessing about how I perceive her to be.  Instead I abundantly accept and respect her to be whoever she wants.

I use the name Tay Tay because I believe that the Goddess is telling me she is the one.  I could be wrong and so I only control myself;  Besides we can only ever manifest ourselves.  However, I have trained my brain to immediately focus on manifesting myself instead of obsessing.  It is simply easier to say than explain all of this repeatedly.  At some point in my journals I will run out of different ways to say this...

The Goddess says that Tay Tay will accept my marriage proposal, in response in the next twenty four hours.  So maybe this will be the last time I feel compelled to help alleviate any misunderstanding.

I imagine how my life with change.  Activities I want to do with Tay Tay.  Activities she wants to do with me.  Creating and raising a family is essential of course.  I imagine thirteen children at least.  :)

Although there is a great deal more to our life.  To name them I want Tay Tay to play online video games with me, and offline ones too.  I want her to read stories that I write and help me figure out how to write better and improve the stories.

Presuming to know what Tay Tay would want to do with me is something I avoid.  Yet, I favor the idea of listening to her sing, write new music notwithstanding me respecting her autonomy.  In addition to sailing, playing board/card games, and I leave myself open to what I have failed to imagine.

Part of my publishing this blog/diary/journal is to help Tay Tay know who I am.  While most of her persona is an image, she has said a few things are veritably her.  Such as the lyrics to her songs that she plays come from her heart about her life.  I follow her instant messaging and sharing images of her life with others.

Therefore, while I do avoid focusing on Tay Tay.  I am reasonably comfortable in accepting how much I feel adoration, admiration, and am in love with her.  I do know something about her.

Thus I felt it very important to share something about myself, that she will read;  That is if my believe in the Goddess's message is majorly veritable.

Publishing this online also is a way for me to face my fears.  That is to be fearless;  Such as Tay Tay's second album title.

For instance, when driving down the road ninety-nine percent of everyone on the road will fail to ever approach my materia.  That is I will never see them again in my life.  Or maybe I will drive near them again in the future but the point is choosing to spend any emotion or thoughts in their direction is a waste of time and Force.  Instead, there are a myriad number of thoughts and feelings that will actually help me.

Similarly, most of those reading this will fail to ever approach my materia or ego.  I hope and pray that a few approach my higher self, and that they choose to let what I write help them.  However, the supermajority I will never meet in my life.

I believe the Goddess is suggesting that the people that 'do' approach my materia.  One that 'does' encounter my ego as well, is meant too.

Sine qua non, this is my way of forcibly injecting chaos into the Qabalah, the tree/flower of this life.

I am still very much depressed.  Writing this has helped me some.  I pray daily for the Goddess to help me die unless I absolutely, abundantly, eternally, and indomitably manifest the life I want.

The patterns of my life have all come full circle.  The Goddess has helped me learn all that there is to learn from those patterns.

Right now I feel like I am in a holding pattern and I am done with it.  There is simply too much emotional and physical pain for me to want to continue living this "now".  That is why I want this life to end, why I want to die.  I really do love, adore, and admire myself;  And, why I want this life to end, for me to die, is abundantly without anything to do with my self image.

I admit that I used to hate and loath myself and that is precisely why I know I am done with that.  My present is filled with the consequences of hating and loathing myself.  I am done with that.  Abundantly without a point, there is to continuing to mentally, emotionally, and physically suffer through living this 'present'.

Inflicting self harm, or suicide, is absolutely absent as a possibility.  My mother is the only reason I have survived this long to learn what I have.  To love, adore, and admire who I already am.  To cherish my past instead of hate it or me.

Though I have written this all.  I accept and respect that I am fallible and can be wrong here too.  Thus I am always asking the Goddess to sever from me all fear, anger, hate, and doubt from me.  To help me absolutely, abundantly, and implicitly know what is veritable.

This I also know works because I have repeatedly felt it.  Asking for this of the Goddess is perhaps one of the most difficult things to ask because of how lost one can feel.  As if I am a puppet and all my strings are cut and then reorganized towards what I want.

I have had obsessions in the past and I simply ask the Goddess to remove the object from my mind unless what I think and believe I feel is true.  The number of times this has proven I have been wrong is beyond my ability to recall.  It has been a lot.  It is also why I have been so admit, insistent, and persistent about Tay Tay.  The veritable of my consistency in this is all the proof that I require because I ask the Goddess to remove her from my mind if this is false.


Thus the only reason for me to continue to mentally and physically suffer through this holding pattern of my qabalah, is because Tay Tay refuses to choose.  Accept or reject me.  Yes it 'could' be someone else but that is irrelevant.  'whoever' you want to think of Tay Tay as refuses to choose.

Thus beg, pray, ask, et cetera the Goddess to severe from me any and all bonds holding me to this life.  Sever my life from me, help me die, tonight.  When I want to eternally sleep.  I sever and remove any bond with another soul that is forcing me to live in this Prime Material.



Thank you very much for sharing your time.  May the Force be with you and the Goddess bless you.

KNOWLEDGE

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