12.10.2013

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Mayan Date: 13♥00♥00♥17♥14
Tuesday: α, β, θ, δ

So yesterday was a Tayday and that is a pretty big deal.

Today I wake up fifteen hours after going to bed last night; 10:30.  My Mother has been chain calling me freqking out about some debt charges.  However she calmed down when I said it is for Kindle books…

Mother gave some lame excuse for making it exciting;  So I suspect it hs to do with Christmas presents.

Of course I am very grateful if my parents got me anything.  They do a lot for me already.

Yet today is quickly heading into α category.  The negative fog is dampening all feelings, and the standard tricks to fight it are less effective: like forcing myself to smile, think about someone I am blissfully in love with {Taylor Alison Swift}, et cetera

Therefore I am going back to bed.  As normal, i pray the Goddess and Her angels severe/separate/take me from this life unless my Ideal Wife {whomever} and I elope now/today and begin our Ideal Marriage/Family.

I am so very tired of living a life that is other than what I want.  I know I am the one who got me here.  At one time I DID want this life but that time hss long since passed.

So yes a new beginning would be beautiful.

Google's messed with blogger and is lreventing me from editing posts.  Hopefully, I just need to update the program on my iPhone.

… 01:21 …
I woke up about 13:00, so I guess this fits.  I felt better at first but right now it is drudging the α barrell.  The only benefit is that I feel never-never-land waiting behind my eyes.

Maybe Peter Pan and I will get something sexy going with Tinkerbell.  Thst way I can forget about coming back to this Prime Material ever.  It's evidently through with me, and I am definitely through with being in constant pain.

Maybe will see if my reinstall of Blogger's iPhone App allows me to edit posts again.

12.09.2013

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Mayan Date: 13♥00♥00♥17♥13
Monday: α, β, θ, δ,

As i wake up, today feels like a θ day;  and I pray that the Goddess and Her angels help me manifest it as a δ.  That will take my Ideal Wife {mb Taylor Alison Swift} and I, eloping and beginning our Ideal Marriage/Family.  This I spell… So mote it be, Amen.

I feel like taking a shower within the next couple hours and having lunch with my Mother, @ SafeWay.

Shower and getting ready takes an hour at most so I have some more time to fill.

I think that I will write some more in my first novel.

Oh! Doctors want me keeping track of my pain on a daily basis so I think I will start doing that now.

There is a semi dull but escalating throbbing pain in my rib cage along my back and hips.  It's letting me know that it is time to wake/get up and take happy pills.

My feet feel great but that's because They have yet to support any weight for ten hours.  They should end up taking over the semi dull but escalating pain duties from my ribs and hips.

Thirty minutes in and I my body is feeling less lethargic.

12.08.2013

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Mayan Date: 13♥00♥00♥17♥12
Sunday: α, β, θ, δ,

Today started as a θ, but is ending as a β day.  Just am feeling that my parents are confusing themselves from feeling any love my way.  Their worrying about 'my' future if they should die.  Well, that would be a problem and a solution will present itself or it will not.  I see little productive in fretting over what 'might' be.

Better to focus on what I want and let the Goddess handle the disharmony between that and the Prime Material.

My first novel is a Steampunk Romance novel.  So I have been reading books in this genre and am loving them.  They are exactly what I want.  So I look for more.

There seemed to be a lack of any group on goodreads.com that focused on that combined genres or even the broader science fiction romance genre.  They had the categories for books but no groups.

So I created one, and a FaceBook Page to accompany it.  Tomorrow I might create a Google+ Page but will see how well I can integrate the three pages.  Probable will want to fine tune the FB+ page too.

My parents went over to a friends house to eat 'dinner' but I stayed home.  I want to start living Sunday as a holy day of rest again… just holy in a Jedi Witkhkraft way.

Admittedly, the professional stuff with the goodreads.com and FaceBook+ pages creation was more prevelant in my mind but it all contributed to me saying no.

Well… I did give them an option to show they 'actually wanted' me to be there and they refused.

I said I wanted to take a shower.  My Mother after she asked my Father, and she said they would wait if I did it now... Or once I got to a point in Goodreads that I could save and start up again on another computer later.  Which would be a literally a minute or two.

That was enough for my Father to declare it improper behavior and left.  My mom probably thought she did not have a choice but that is false.  She choose to confuse herself with archaic mesogynistic rules, instead of making a choice.  I shrugged and did my thing.

They both obviously confused themselves, failed to act intelligent & wise, and actually want my company.

I have zero control over their choices.  I can only control my own.

I choose to 'expect' them to behave like their sentient sapiens.  Times like today they let me down.

I did mess up and choose to eat a couple slices of a cheese cake;  That, is off the Ideal Protein diet.  I know that I am as flawed as anyone else.

I had a television dinner entree too.  But the ones I got are low carb… still off the diet but a lot closer.

Being on the Ideal Protein Diet is without a switch to turn it on and off.  The focus is keeping your body in "Ketosis".

That is why eggs, cheese, and meat are better because they just give you more fat to burn;  Instead of shifting your liver's chemistry out of "Ketosis".

The people who run the Ideal Protein clinic are looking to hire a new coach.  They had two quit in short succession.  I am thinking of applying.  I ask the Goddess and Her angels to control, direct, help, inspire, and motivate me to be, do, feel, and think whatever will help me manifest what I want… whatever will help me the most to choose to be happy…

What I want, what will help me the most to choose to be happy… is for my Ideal Wife {mb Taylor Alison Swift} and I to meet, get married, and begin/live our Ideal Marriage/Family.

I know that I am without any way of manifesting that besides casting spells {prayers} to the Goddess.  Writing daydremaing, and artistic fun is supposed to help too.

They idea of controlling other than the self, is a dangerous delusion.

There is a very rigid disharmony between my Prime Material and my happiness.

Thank you for sharing your Force and be well.

12.07.2013

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Mayan Date: 13♥00♥00♥17♥11
Saturday: α, β, θ, δ,

Today is a θ day.  However I stayed home half the day and even did not take a shower.

With my Mother, I went to the LifeQuest building to get weighed by our Ideal Protein dietary coach.  Afterwards we went to get groceries at Yokes.  My FS paid for almost all of the groceries, that was surprisingly awesome and sucky at the same time.

Sucky because that just means the FRB is mondtizing our debt even more than they did before.  That is sucky for our countries future.  I pray that the FRB is repealed disowned by the fed gov soon.

I spent a couple hours writing more on my first novel.

I tried explaining to my mother how I am praying for the Goddess and Her angels to guide me with my desire to refuse to participate in ObamaFailCare.  Part of the reason I am praying for guidance is that I wish to avoid arguing with my parents over it.

So my mother took this revelation as a sign to argue with me about it.

Both of my parents seem to have a disconnect with understanding what providence means and how it relates to us living our life.

That is weird for especially my Mother who was raised an orthadox Roman Catholic schoolgirl, and still is very religious though more Coptic now, later in her life.

I explained it to my mother but I think she just nodded her head to shut me up.

Some people fail and take the idea that the Goddess provides all that we want, as a sign to do nothing and be nothing, and everthing will be copasetic.  That is wrong.

What it means is to envision the future we want and let the Goddess handle the details of how that happens.  An omnipotent and omnipresent entity is better at it.

The higher-self still calls for us to manifest our will and actions in the present.  In the now, still let morals and ethics guide actions in response to day to day events.

Using Providence as an excuse to expect the Goddess to live our life for us is wrong… and only leads to failure.  Instead it is there to comfort us and give us hope when the night is darkest.

I downloaded the "Kindle for iPhone" app and am discovering the wonderful world of reading for a lot less than I was.  I bought a couple books for kindle on amazon.com and it sent it to my iPhone… that is hella awesome.

Thank you for sharing you Force. Be well…

12.06.2013

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Mayan Date: 13♥00♥00♥17♥10
Friday: α, β, θ, δ,

I believe that I forced today into the θ, category by forcing myself to sleep from last night until 10:30 this morning.

Then I forced myself to get ready and go into town with my parents.  They went to Broadmoore RV to buy an Arctic Fox camping trailer. 

12.05.2013

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Mayan Date: 13♥00♥00♥17♥09
Thursday: α, β, δ, γ,

So I the greek letters help me keep trak of how my days are going emotionally.  Alpha is the worst, and gamma is one of the best day of my life. 

The intent is to help me find what helps me choose to have abundant number of gamma days.  I have found out that eggs and cheese are good as they are almost all protien or fat, with little carbs.  I also discovered a recidpe for a poor man's mocha.

An 'Ideal Protien' coach would say to stay away from diary products.  Yet we live in realville.  If I am hungry, then I am going to eat.  The only choice is what I can manage to swallow and keep down and will still kep my body in that fat burning chemical cycle: Ketosis.

I am over fifty pounds lighter than I was half a year ago, so I have figure a couple things out 'for me'.

Kutting this short as I am going to take a shower and meet my mother for lunch…. Of course daydreaming that my Ideal Wife {mb Taylor Alison Swift} is with me the whole time… shower too. �� ����⭐️

… 17:56 …
So taking a shower and going to Safeway in Richland to have lunch with my mother and her co-worker/friends helped me end this as a δ day.

Asking the Goddess and Her angels to help me find my house keys.  Left it unlocked while away at lunch.  I abundantly want to avoid repeating that.  This neighborhood is nice and reasonably safe but anything can happen.

I got some sugar-free munchies to help get past cravings for food.  Worked today and am really proud of how much munchies is left for the future and my parents.  They are on the Ideal Protien diet with me.

I wrote a little more on my first novel today.  I think I have all of the initial main entities named and rudimentary description of them and a short synopsis of a past.

I already wrote a short prologue but its different… I have in mind that it will can be used to 'describe' another event too, and still give enough information for the reader to enjoy it.

I my first novel is in the steampunk science fiction romance genre.

Eyes are getting droopy, so:

Thank you for sharing your Force for a time, and be well.  You deserve and are worthy of being loved, joyful, and happy.

12.04.2013

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Mayan Date: 13♥00♥00♥17♥08
Wednesday,

I awoke around 07:30, looking at a clock failed to be a high priority.

I updated some tasks on Taylor Alison Swift's, and my, GoT: Ascent characters. 

Then I watched last night's s09e09 of Supernatural "Holy Terror".  I think the writers should have kept Kevin, the prophet, alive;  Letting him get assasinated by Godzillel is wrong.

Sam and Dean should begin to build something 'good' with the bunker as home.  The place is supposed to be a small underground city/sanctuary instead of a bachelor pad.

After nine seasons Sam and Dean should have more than a couple groupies.  Especially with 'God' putting their story out on the internet.  Their story is popular in our Prime Material.  Thus their Prime material's publik should love it too.

Now I am taking a mid day nap.  I want to overcome this depressive imbalance I'm currently feeling.

I am leaving my door open to let Ariel Miss Scarlett {mb Tay Tay} sleep in bed with me.

Be well

… 18:50 …
The map was rather poor, woke up two hours later with only this post to show for it.

Leaving the door open was a mistake.  Ariel does not quiet down fast enough.

I watched a couple episodes of Haven's latest season and am caught up now… just in time for their Winter Solstice rerun break.

I think Mr. Stephen King should stay away from Audrey's past unlike he is in this fourth season.  He is explaining too much too quickly.

Better would have William be a different Haven's 'Audrey'.  I mean as in another town somewhere else with a different name but same 'troubles'.  And 'William' did end up killing the woman he loved.  Say it was an accident but…

However such a character does not exist.  It is as if Mr. King is wanting to end the television show and 'wrap up' the story.  I hope that i am wrong.

I think I will be giving the second G.o.T.:A. toon to Tay Tay soon.  I have been feeling different thoughts lately… or its all just a goblin {thoughts of doubt and other Dark Side feelings of the frequency of Light.}

Such energies are Dark/Light based on what frequencies our brain emits when focusing on a feeling;  Therefore, what half of the spectrum of Light they fall means they are light or dark.  As a 'sunspot' on Sol still emits light, just less than the surrounding surface;  Therefore sunspots are 'perceived' as dark.

I wonder what I am getting out of this.  However, is this journal being publik, indirectly or directly helps someone else make the choice to be halpy then that is awesome.

Keeping this journal is just somewhat humbling.  Or maybe it will help a future more experienced version of me with something(s).

I did the dishes today. This is big because my depression related apathy knows no bounds.  However, I someone has to help my mother and my father's chauvanistic attitude about what is 'proper' keeps him paralized.

I pray that the current attitude of my father's:  That the two people with Rheumatoid Arthritis in the family should do all the house work…  comes to a screeching halt and 180 degrees turn around.

I believe that I know what is driving my Dad to act this way;  It ties into how he acts in other ways.  He is entirely too concerned with what is 'proper' or propriety in general.

I wish this is one 'trait' that inheritance fails to pass on to me.  I want to avoid acting this way towards my Ideal Wife {mb Tay Tay} or our thirteen children.

I find it interesting that most of the character traits my father complains about in me, comes from him.  Yet he remains oblivious to where I get it from.

Most of the time I compel myself to change the traits my Father mentions because I have little use for them either.  They fail to help me with the choice to be happy in variety of ways.

Thank you for sharing your time and Force.  Be Well.

12.03.2013

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Tuesday, 13♥00♥00♥17♥07

Someone said that if you repeat yourself three times, it becomes a habit.  That may explain why I am typing this journal entry now instead of skipping a day. 

I got going this morning on time.  However, my parents {who like to drive me to Spokane and back} namely my father likes to complain.  When there is nothing to complain about he invents one.  Like me suddenly being 'late' when I was 5 min early.

So today started with me ignoring my father half the trip.  Why waste my time and lower my frequency just to play an angry verbal sparing game.  A game I never like to win because then he just invents something else and the emotion from before continues unabated… So no, I'll just be quiet and think happy thoughts and meditate.

While writing more on my first novel.

My trick of ignoring father only partially because he tries getting under my skin by telling me what to do.  Suddenly I am expected to shut the laptop off five minutes before we reach any destination…

I soo dream of expanding my iPhone into an Ipad. ��

So we get yo the appointment so early the doctor sees me an hour early…. 'cause I was soooo super late?  Rhetorical question.

I logged onto the Game of Thrones: Ascent long enough to further todays daily reward, and set a few of the hour long timers going again.

I am reincarnating two characters to open up all the fealty buildings for both toons.

The second toon is for my Ideal Wife {mb Taylor Alison Swift} to play on the game, with me.  It is fun but running two toons is too intensive for what it is worth to me.

We got home at around 16:30.  Our Britney Spaniel, Ariel Miss Scarlett, is absolutely and abundantly joyful and happy to see her pack return.  Showering me and mom with doggy kisses.

I saw a few women I definitely would go out with if the opportunity presented itself.  I saw a blonde at Yokes in Pasco, and she blanked my mind for a second.

Yes, I percieve the Goddess as having shown that Tay Tay is my Ideal Wife. That has zero to do with appreciating beauty, or the fact that sometimes I am wrong.  I desperately 'want' to be wrong about Her because all she seems to do is ignore me.

I am far from mad, or any other negative emotion, about that.  If Tay Tay truly does reject my romantic interest in her then that is her choice.  Stalking her or being boligerent would be selfish of me and have the opposite effect of what I want.

I do refuse to take silence as an answer, however, I live my own life and pray.  Loving someone means supporting whatever decisions they make in life, even if I perceive it as hurting me…

Though, I do believe that for them to make that decision means they are disharmonious from being 'Ideal' in any ways.

I spell for the Goddess to help me know what is true…  to control, direct, help, inspire, and motivate me to be the Ideal Husband to the Ideal Wife and Ideal Family that I want.  I spell for the Goddess to help me move on and past Tay Tay, and onto my Ideal Wife.

Hence, why I feel Tay Tay is… or 'will be' my Ideal.  Here is where people say I am crazy though.  I am through waiting though and will force my slirit to vacate this mortal coil.

Hell is a myth… part of the matrix created by the District of Columbia, meant to keep souls here even if they are 'living in hell'. Only the self can damn thy own self.  The Goddess loves all withought condition.

After almost 39 years of abundant pain and misery, I have reached the end.  I have found a way out of it.  I have been, am, and will always be healing my psyche from whatever past life trauma caused this episode.  I think our psyche are always heing damaged by life itself.

As our own body regenerates to replace cells that die off.  Life is constantly damaging our mortal coils too, and so too must we 'heal' our psyche.  By being positive, law of attraction, and most importantly believing and having faith in the Goddess.  Any religion 'can' serve this function.

I have been imagining a spiritual path, religion, that helps the aggregate the most to choose to be happy… to choose to heal their psyche.

KNOWLEDGE

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