13♥00♥01♥08♥08: Dies Luna

Guess U feel sucidally depressed but that is kinda of normall for me.  I believe I will survive because nothing has changed in regards to suicidal tendencies.

Suicide is a selfish action, perhaps one the most selfish because everyone else gets to live with the decision.  So no, what I dream of is a quick painless accidental death.  I apologize for getting all melodramatic right off the bat but I only ever do what I want… wasting time on inconsequential fails to be what I want.

If a reader wonders why suicide, what I stated is exactly the point.  A phrase runs through my mind.  'You are who your friends are;  Or you are what you do.'  I am without friends except for my mother.  Everyone else is just an acquentence.  I do nothing, except write stories I have yet to publish and play video games.  By that logic I am nothing.

Please understand that publishing this on the www is without me asking for help by hyperbole.  I know how to get help.  The problem is that I know what I want to live with and that has not manifested.  I understand helping myself and I do that a lot.  However my problem is wanting someone to create a family with.

That would be absurd to most suicidal depressed people I am told.  However I do value and love myself.  I deserve and am worthy of being loved, joyful, and happy.

I think I am broken though because my own parents fail to understand when I say I can't do something.  They interpret the words as 'won't' do blank.  The point is my 'will' is exactly the problem, in some actions my will simply is absent.

Thus I am absent a function in some areas of life itself.