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About nine years ago I knew this guy Mr. Allen.  He found a girl and discovered sex, and subsequently forgot about the people who thought they were good friends of his.  Obviously that was wrong, and I decided at that moment to cut any link there may have been with someone such as that.  I mean, someone who is so fickle that they toss and turn towards whatever direction the winds blow.

I thought about Mr. Allen a bit ago and I realized that in many ways I failed to be much better of a friend in general.  I was clinically and suicidally depressed and that is a very selfish state of being.  I think, the most such people are capable of is casual acquaintances.

After several years I dug myself out of that hell but I maintain my original decision was the correct one.  It just took me that long to realize that at the time, I was the same;  Yet it is difficult to sever yourself out of your own life.

Anyhow, Mr. Allen's relationship with the girl progressed and they ended up getting married.  At that time he subsequently remembered he had friends in the past and invited them to the wedding.  I refused to attend, and apparently that upset him.  I was happy it upset him...  I had yet to figure out it is better to transcend Dark Side emotions, even if they bring momentary happiness.

About a year later is when some other people Mr. & Mrs. Hale, who I also mistakenly thought were friends.  However, the clarification that I was mistaken failed to be precipitated by me, this time.  Anyhow at the time I thought they were great and they told me Mr. Allen was upset and holding a grudge.

I said that was awesome that Mr. Allen just figured out, he failed to have me as a friend.  Of course, I imagine he still thinks I am the one that severed that relationship for some reason he fails to understand.  Or maybe he thinks he does understand it.  However, I doubt he actually acknowledges that he is the one who annulled the potential friendship two years previously.  Sapients, myself included, preternaturally favor avoiding accepting responsibility.  It takes real effort to force yourself to consider it.

The reason I refer to these friendships as fictitious or illusionary is because I believe true friendship is eternal and transcends time and place.  A 'true' friend refuses to forget about you just because they are preoccupied or fixated on another person or something else.

Still, I have grown to the point of wishing many blessing from the Goddess upon Mr. & Mrs. Allen.  Actual friendship with them is impossible.  Prior history has already shown our Higher Selfs are too dissimilar.  However, I understand why he chose to ignore me and everyone previously in his life and I see it as a good thing for him.

I mean, when a sapient who is very depressed digs themselves out of the Hell they put themselves in, most of their life drastically changes.  That includes many relationships that were thought to be friends are reveled as casual an acquaintance.  The clarification is typically made by said link being severed by one or both parties.

Unconsciously those left behind are choosing to remain in their own individual Hell instead of following the other up into the Light Side.  I was extremely upset when that happened to me.  I truly wish   was the one to give me a 'reason' to elevate myself;  Unfortunately I continue to be alone and praying for death.

Actual suicide fails to be acceptable.  I mean that our Higher Self 'chooses' how we end our lives ninety-nine percent of the time.  The one percent is typically a few of those who die during great catastrophes, and chains of chaotic and random events.

Continuing my current life cycle fails to be a want of mine.  I have learned everything there is to learn from my current and previous life cycles.  I know this without doubt because I ask the Goddess daily to help me learn whatever else there is to learn.  Thus lack of change means I am at a crossroads of my life.

The only possible reason I could be convinced to continue beating my heart is sharing the future of this life, and creating a family, with the ideal wife of my dreams.  Whom the Goddess still insists is Tay Tay.  I have prayed, begged, pleaded for the Divine to help me get past whatever this black is;  To severe all obstacles that refuse to be converted. thrope, changed into being harmonically sympathetic to this goal.

I also ask for the Force to severe all fear, doubt, loss, and the Dark Side in general from my Mir'Ka'Ba. {myself and my reality}  To help me know with abundant certainty what it is that I want...  In other words, I ask to be corrected if I am mistaken.  I focus and embrace my sincerity in wanting to be steered beautifully by the Goddess.

Therefore, I think I have all my bases covered on questioning the rightness of my state of being.  Most things the Goddess immediately and abundantly provides.  Apparently the one thing She wills me to suffer with is this hollow pain in my psyche and my life.  That is in addition to the continued materia pain of severe Rhuematoid and Psoriatic Arthritis.

Even with the Light Side there is one person that I wish could feel all the suffering they have caused and that is PotUS Barry Soetoro.  He calls himself Barack Obama, a Muslim name, though he claims he is a christian in good standing.  Despite giving aid and comfort to sworn enemies of the United States.

I wish Barry could feel the suffering now, because that is actually a favor to him.  Everyone deserves a chance to redeem themselves.  Thus I wish him a long and prosperous life... just without being PotUS because he has proven himself incompetent as well as malevolent.  If he feels the pain now, maybe it would be enough to free him of his mental illness.

However, when Barry decides to die he will literally feel all of the pain, suffering, and misery he has directly caused.  That is why he will put himself in his own personal Hell, just as everyone who is damned does.  The Goddess, nor any other entity, sits in judgement upon anyone else spiritually.  We judge ourselves after all the trappings of the Prime Material {reality} is stripped from us.